Without the inflammation, without the puffiness, everything feels exposed: muscles, bones, and perhaps most especially (and potentially disorientingly) nerves.

***

Candice the massage therapist could kill a man with her heavy, pointy thumbs. If she can figure out how to deploy them, she could win MMA titles.

This is what I was thinking at noontime, as she discovered and methodically dismantled the scar tissue in my left shoulder — souvenir of an unexpected fall while climbing (and no, I didn’t hit the ground or anything — I just caught my whole falling body weight with an outstretched left hand).

As she was bidding me goodbye, she patted my left shoulder gently. “You’ve got something going on there…” Uh, yeah, I know. I was there, trying to breathe through the pain of your relentless thumbs!

This afternoon, as The Cop and I drove over to a local nursery to check out some mesquite trees for the yard, I told him about my massage. The blinding pain of Candice’s ministrations.

“I’d punch her in the head,” he said.
I looked over, disapprovingly.
“It’d be involuntary.”

Note to self: Do not get massage gift certificates for The Cop.

The only catch, really, is that the gym is loud and busy. Not crowded-busy, but energy-busy and visually-busy. No doubt that was part of the design of the space, and the energy that people bring to the space also contributes.

***

Raw food diet goes along nicely. I have always been a slacker cook, so trust me, I’m not making all kinds of fancy raw meals. Salads, fruit, smoothies — those’ll do just fine. I did roll some avocado, carrots and cucumber in sheets of nori for “sushi.” That seemed kind of purposeful and civilized.

Current project involves sprouting quinoa. It’s a delicate job, since the grains are so small, and I live in the desert (where everything dries up at a frightening rate).

And here’s a question: I’ve been tracking my intake using the CRON-o-meter. A very handy tool. What I’m seeing, though, is that if I eat a big serving of kale, I am off the charts on vitamin A. Seriously off the charts. Is this something to even be concerned about?

As far as effects of the diet: I was surprised to have detox effects, because my diet wasn’t bad to begin with, but there you have it. A really bad headache a couple of days in, and then a few days of intermittent headaches. They’re gone now, though.

On the up side, it is amazing how different my body feels. I don’t quite know how to describe it, except to say that there is a dramatic reduction of inflammation in my system. How this “feels” goes like this: when I wake in the morning, there are no… well, no stiff or “lost” areas. Hmmmm. This is hard to explain. Usually there are spots that feel “fuzzy” or “puffy” — kind of like they’re giving off a physical static — I’m thinking of my knees, my finger joints, and often my shoulders. I actually don’t know that I would have noticed that the fuzziness/inflammation was there, truth be told. I only know now because I’ve noticed it missing. The other spot is the abdominal cavity. You know how some days the abdominal cavity feels clear and responsive and raring to go during practice? And other days it’s kind of puffy and sluggish? Yeah, it’s straight to clear and responsive each day. Likewise my mind.

***

Books: The Granularity of Growth and Kundalini: The Evolutionary Energy in Man.

Diametrically opposed? I think not.

But maybe that’s the raw food and yoga practice talking.

Last week was the massage therapist who smelled of fried eggs, chewed orange hard candy while she worked, and who was rather rotund. Honestly, I found it a little disturbing that her boobs kinda rested on the back of my head when she stood at the head of the table and massaged my back. I realize other people might consider that a plus.

Today I saw Candice. Right from the get-go, the whole thing felt promising. She looked at me and said it’d be good to release my upper pecs and do some work on my rhomboids. Yes! Yes, exactly!

But first, Candice zeroed in on the tensions in my neck: ongoing tight spot in the right trap? Check. The place where the neck meets the bottom of the skull? Yup. Dig fingers in under there, as if pulling my skull off? Yes!

Lovely.

Fold my arm up behind my back like a chicken wing and dig in under the shoulderblade? Indeed. Oh, and the upper pecs/collarbone work? I thought I was going to dissolve or hallucinate. The pain was actually rather intense, but in a good way. I realize there is NO way to explain that; either you get it or you don’t.

At the end of the hour, I felt completely limp. Yay! I’ve been really hyped up and tense lately, and struggling to let go of it. Finally, finally, some peace of mind.

***

Contributing to the peace of mind was this morning’s practice. On a whim, I put on some chants that Volleyball Guy used to play — it seems like YEARS ago. And, amusingly, it seems very dreamlike: my memories of Mysore practice at his house are very fuzzy — no doubt because of the time of day and the sheer repetitiveness.

As soon as I heard the chants, I was thrown into a huge wave of nostalgia and the strongest feelings of devotion. Oh, I can keep my practice rolling along quite merrily on my own, but there is an aspect of the devotional that only Volleyball Guy can bring.

Don’t know if it was the chanting, or the swell of devotional feelings, but the whole practice felt really strong and light and fulfilling. Which, of course, only serves to contrast with how practices have been lately: consumed by thoughts of work and daily life. Gah! Must put that stuff down! At least for the time it takes to practice.

Seriously.

I also have to quote Susananda, who wrote something really helpful on her blog today:

I think that’s the name of the game in Intermediate, not how well you can do each asana, but can you stick with the program and get through without stopping a lot, gasping for breath, hyperventilating, palpitations, desperation, fear of death… a steady flow, balance of energy and calm. Nerve cleansing… yeah.

I mean, I think I knew this — but it helps immensely to hear it from someone who is working third series and who has some perspective from the “other side” of second.

And, of course, the fact that it’s funny is also a plus.

Just as an aside, during the chest muscle Rolfing pressure-from-hell work of Candice this morning, it occurred to me that the emotion I keep in my upper front body muscles is largely about mortality. Death and oblivion. Alrighty, then. Digging into the poses of intermediate can only be fun.

***

The raw food experiment goes along nicely. I downloaded the CRON-o-Meter, just to check out the nutritional situation as I go along. I’m kinda wondering about the deal with fat, what with the heavy reliance on nuts for protein.

Yes, I’ve been having some raw hemp protein powder (Vanilla Chai flavor! Cinnamony! Sweet! Gritty!). This is an interesting puzzle to solve. Back in the day, I solved the protein question with “and a huge slab of meat,” and more recently with “and soyburgers washed down with soymilk.”

Anyone want to comment on current thoughts re: macronutrient ratios?