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Okay, so I have been going along practicing practicing practicing. Every day. La la la. Saturdays off.

Simple.

Except I have this weird thing in my back. It’s been around for months and it hurts in back bends. Some days not so bad (only hurts in UD when I walk my hands in close), and some days pretty annoying (hurts in every up dog and any other back bend in the entire practice).

Quadratus lumborum, I thought. Ice. Heat. Stretch. Epsom salt baths. Arnica oil. Wintergreen oil. Capsaicin lotion. Mind control. Hypnagogic suggestion. Visualization.

Nothing.

Went to a chiropractor. He diagnosed a tight psoas. Okay.

Adjustments. Ultrasound. Heat. Ice. More adjustments.

Nothing.

Decided it doesn’t freaking matter WHAT it is, it just needs to go away.

Practice. Stretching on the chair, the bed, the couch, the kitchen counter, the office. Tightened bandhas, loosened bandhas. Breathed deeper, breathed more lightly. More raw food, more grains, add some dairy, subtract dairy, ditch soy, add hemp, grow suspicious of nightshades, consider dropping — once and for all — my Tootsie Pop habit.

Damn! Still here.

Okay, so here I am sitting in the office. It’s Friday, so I have on jeans and clogs. Which means I can kick off the clogs and sit cross legged in my chair.

What do I feel? A pully-stretchy feeling in *exactly* that spot. “Oh, that feels good,” I think, and then it hits me: I do not sit cross legged in my chair all day every day any more because I now wear skirts and high heels every day. (Stupid high, by the way — because my shoe aesthetic is in direct conflict with my foot health.) Over the past 6 months, it’s been more and more skirts and higher and higher heels.

Duh!

I believe I will be shopping for some pants and flat shoes this weekend. I need to sit the right way for a week and see if it corrects this back krink.

***

The experiment will be thrown off by one variable that’ll get tossed into the mix as soon as it gets delivered to the house and The Cop can install it:

Rewards narrow our focus (and restrict possibilities).

I know it’s late over there, but any of you Londoners want to suggest a nice hotel in central London? We need a place that’s got a fancy/comfy enough lobby for us to meet with/entertain executives. Thoughts?

Leading Your Boss: The Subtle Art of Managing Up
Harvard Business IdeaCast

Dance with Chance
The Invisible Hand: Management, Economics and Strategy (Episode 85)

Immunity to Change: How to Overcome It and Unlock the Potential in Yourself and Your Organization

The Reflective Practitioner

I listen to podcasts while I clean the house on the weekend. And then I look up books related to the podcasts. Today has been pretty entertaining. I mean, what more can I ask for: Managing up! Change management! Two of my favorite things. I am still reading last week’s find: James Austin’s Chase, Chance, and Creativity: The Lucky Art of Novelty, which is about Chance! and Creativity! and Science! More favorite things.

Okay, so today’s podcasts. Managing up (or down, or across) can be pretty discouraging, right? I have a few burn-out bald spots on my aura ’cause of being a manager, it’s true. And effecting organizational change? Using real people? Haha! As if!

Okay, so I recognize that the job of management can be unforgiving, and I recognize that people pretty much scoff at the idea that adult humans can really change, but here’s the God’s honest truth: I always feel optimistic about these things. Why? Because we can use *creativity* in the workplace, and an organization is an enormous petri dish just waiting to house new experiments! The more things seem impossible, the more I think up new ideas. I can’t help myself. I get invited to LOTS of meetings/teams/projects — it’s something my boss tries to protect me from, but it’s also something I find incredibly energizing. I think it’s a result of (and, let’s face it) a source of tapas. Yes, I think it’s intimately linked with my practice.

Yeah, I know. We’re supposed to use the energy that results from tapas to pursue spiritual enlightenment. I can’t shake the conviction, though, that we’re supposed to dig into real life, like the zen practitioner who finally rides the ox he’s tamed into the marketplace. Apparently, my ox is pointed toward a business setting. I’m as surprised about this as anyone.

Interesting podcast with a neurologist & long time zen practitioner. Love the way this guy speaks — talk about geeky! His delivery reminds me of my advisor in grad school.

Very interesting discussion about how the brain pays attention — what structures are involved, and what they bring to the party. I was particularly interested in egocentric processing as distinct from allocentric processing. He makes the case that this is consistent with the difference between concentration states (egocentric) and choiceless awareness (allocentric) in meditation. I couldn’t help thinking of Freud’s “hovering attention” — the centerpiece of psychoanalysis: maybe this is a good example of turning on the allocentric processing?

Regardless, I’m going to think about egocentric vs. allocentric processing at work tomorrow. I have a HUGE preference for allocentric processing, and will be at an all day meeting that involves lots of social stuff. Instead of being cowed by the social requirements, I think I’ll bring experimental mind to bear and look at it all through the allocentric lens. Choiceless awareness, baby!

Okay, I work my butt off at the office and battle workaholism. It’s worth it, though, when my boss calls me to ask how I’d feel about a trip in mid-November.

Where’m I going? Here’s a hint.

So, London yoginis: what’s the business dress code (fashionable version, of course!) over there in mid- to late-November?

Goodness, I was out of sorts over the weekend. Cranky and restless and just, well, out of sorts. Couldn’t figure out what my problem was.

Until this morning. As I drove to the shala, I felt happy and energetic and was thinking about intellectual capital and brand development, and… hey! I was happy because I was thinking about something I am interested in.

But it’s work-related. Hmmmm. I’m not supposed to think about work stuff when I’m not at work. I try to keep boundaries, so I don’t slip into workaholism.

I thought about when I was happy over the weekend. I was reading “Intellectual Capital in Enterprise Success” and taking some notes. But I didn’t do it for long, because I felt guilty for “working” during the weekend. I tore myself away and looked at Vanity Fair and Vogue. And got bored. And then cleaned the house. And then felt restless. I should have just read the freaking book and taken notes and been happy.

I get a huge rush when I’m intellectually engaged. It’s quite visceral. Is that stress? Am I supposed to take time off from it?

Is this the sound of a workaholic rationalizing?

I’m confused.

***

Practice this morning was maaaaaaaaarvelous. The Poetess was presiding. By the time I got there at 6 AM, she was at dwi pada in her own practice and the room was close to 90 degrees. Heaven!

I had a chat with her before I began. I asked that instead of getting adjusted into kapotasana when I got to it, I wanted to be left to struggle with it on my own a bit. I realize that it’s hard for a teacher to watch a student struggle, but since I’ve started going to the shala 6 days a week, I am really missing my struggle time. I learn a lot when I struggle, not least of which is mechanisms for coping with frustration, which is a practice I need to keep up with! Seriously, I do not deal well with frustration. I am a true vata, which means I think very quickly and tend to get frustrated very easily. So I have to cultivate my coping skills via daily practice.

If I get adjusted into kapo every morning, it will stretch my muscles and enable me to get into the pose. If I struggle with it myself, it will stretch my mind and emotions and enable me to get into the pose (though perhaps not as quickly, physically).

I told The Poetess my plan: I would do the “hang back” a few times, then go to the floor with my hands and practice pushing into my chest (weak link in the asana) by straightening my arms (other weak link). Then I’d practice dropping back to get my head down closer and closer to my feet. Then I’d be ready for help. And instead of a full assist, I just wanted her to stand in front of my head and push down and in on my elbows (very weakest link of all!).

“I don’t care if I touch my toes,” I told her. “That’s not my goal.”

She totally got it.

So I had a delightful practice: sun salutations, standing, intermediate to supta vajrasana. Urdhva dhanurasanas, assisted dropbacks, and closing. And that was enough.

Matthew Sweeney talks in one of his books about the trap of not feeling you’re “doing enough.” Much as I am spinning my wheels on the weekends about not “doing enough” mindless relaxation, so I get into feeling like I’m not doing enough at practice.

Today I did enough. It felt marvelous. The Poetess came over when I caught her eye after some kapo struggling (though it really didn’t feel like struggling at all — it felt like learning). I hung back, brought my hands to the floor, kept my head up, walked my hands in, pushed into my chest, walked my hands in more, pushed into my chest more, then lowered my head as close to my feet as possible. The Poetess pushed my elbows to the floor and I grabbed my toes. And I breathed. And then I let go of my toes and pushed up.

And then I finished my practice and took rest.

It was pretty sweet.

Dear Internet,

You promise so much information, yet you will not let me have what I most want this Sunday morning. At least not without a subscription to a database that can not be subscribed to by individuals.

Core Capabilities and Core Rigidities: A Paradox in Managing New Product Development

Strategic Management Journal, Vol. 13, Special Issue: Strategy Process: Managing Corporate Self-Renewal (Summer, 1992), pp. 111-125
Published by: John Wiley & Sons

Abstract

This paper examines the nature of the core capabilities of a firm, focusing in particular on their interaction with new product and process development projects. Two new concepts about core capabilities are explored here. First, while core capabilities are traditionally treated as clusters of distinct technical systems, skills, and managerial systems, these dimensions of capabilities are deeply rooted in values, which constitute an often overlooked but critical fourth dimension. Second, traditional core capabilities have a down side that inhibits innovation, here called core rigidities. Managers of new product and process development projects thus face a paradox: how to take advantage of core capabilities without being hampered by their dysfunctional flip side. Such projects play an important role in emerging strategies by highlighting the need for change and leading the way. Twenty case studies of new product and process development projects in five firms provide illustrative data.

God, it taunts me like those crazy Baskin Robbins “Ice Cream and Cake!” commercials. It’s in my head: “Core Capabilities and Core Rigidities! Core Capabilities and Core Rigidities!”

I’ll find a way to get you, article. Oh, I will. And the sport of it will be accessing you, somehow, for free. The way internet information is supposed to be.

Yes, I am a zen practitioner, and yes, I bring zen principles to the office.

Sure, but I am also a sharp-humored gal with a scientific streak, so I like my psychological and sociological experiments. The Market Research guy calls me the Cultural Anthropologist.

When someone has a difficult conversation to hold with an employee, or when someone has a daunting presentation, or has been given a dysfunctional team to manage, well, I like to sit with that person and frame the whole ordeal as an experiment.

This is useful for a couple of reasons:
1. It introduces some objectivity into the equation. It’s hard to freak out when you are busy observing the situation.
2. Experiments are fun! No matter how awful an experience might be, if you have data to interpret at the end, it can’t be all bad.

Okay, so there you have it. There are things I notice and experiment with that don’t exactly fall within traditional zen parameters. And so we introduce Machiavellian Tips and Tricks.

Tip 1: Dress for success

Can you bend people to your will, depending on how you’re dressed? Oh yeah.

What you need for this experiment:

Put on suit and shoes. Go to work. Pay attention to whether everyone thinks it’s a good idea to listen to what you say and do the things you suggest. It’s magical! (Men, you are on your own — I have no idea what the guy-equivalent of this experiment is.)

Could I be disingenuous and say the pencil skirt suit and high heels combo has no power? I could. But I’d be lying. Clearly, they do. Magical corporate power. My red purse actually seems to have some, too. Red accessories in general. This is a function of my particular office, I think. Other colors probably work in other environments. We are traditional and buttoned-down. In a more avant garde office you’re gonna have to experiment to find out what works.

Can you bend people to your will, if you dress a certain way? Oh yeah. Should you practice your zen and be mindful about how you use these powers? Yes. Yes, you should.

We finally had word back about the pathology report. There is no clear cause of death for Ty. Basically, he was just perfect, physically.

The Cop called me at work to tell me the vet had called and that I should touch base with her to ask any follow-up questions I might have. The Cop was shocked and dismayed about the lack of a clear cause of death. I wasn’t. It was kind of what I had imagined.

I’d been out on the internets doing my research over the past couple of weeks, of course. And I’d narrowed the possibilities down to two: fatal arrhythmia or epileptic seizure.

So I spoke with the vet and discussed what kinds of signs would be left if either of those two disorders were in fact the cause of death. She pretty much ruled out epilepsy (as much as she could, being objective about the fact that we just really won’t ever know). Still, she said that she’s known dogs who’ve had seizures that lasted 30 minutes and lived. If he’d suffered a vascular event so dramatic that it would cause death, there would be evidence of it for the pathologist.

On the other hand, a single fatal arrhythmia, while rare, could leave no trace. It would essentially be the body’s electrical system seizing up. Like when a computer freezes.

That seems consistent with what happened that afternoon.

After I talked to the vet, I came home and The Cop and I discussed. He was really hoping for some definitive answer that would offer closure. I hadn’t been expecting that, and just wanted to know if Ty’s death could have been prevented. I was terrified she was going to tell me he’d managed (finally, after many tries) to eat some dirty socks, or that he’d had a disease that needn’t have killed him if only we’d known about it.

So that is all the information we will get.

Honestly, I used to be undone by unanswered questions and painful experiences that I knew I would never be able to understand. There’s a whole class of koans designed to pry our grasping human fingers away from the delusion that we can know the answer to “Why? Why? Why?” — so thanks to the monks who’ve brutally and compassionately smacked me upside the head about this.

***

Last night in my dreams I had a chat with Richard Freeman. Ty was there, too, hanging out. A beautiful California day, with wildflowers and warm breezes. RF wanted me to know that Ty would be coming back as a fuzzy rescue dog.

***

Might as well wrap up with a little learning technology humor. I am a huge fan of Web 2.0 — blogs, wikis, discussion forums — but there is always hesitancy in corporate about these technologies: what if the information is inaccurate? Horrors!

Much to my satisfaction, the organization is carrying on with a project to build an online community for our customers (and non-customers — just plain old uncontrollable strangers!). Really, it makes me proud.