Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

Relief, zazen, promotion

Bakasana B. Yay! Fun because I don’t know how I’m doing it.

Also fun: the fact that the pain in my lower back really does seem to be gone. I’ve been reluctant to say that because it seemed like I’d be tempting fate and it’d come back (superstition!). But I think it’s over. There’s a tightness in the lower left lumbar region, but it doesn’t hurt anymore. It just has “sensation.” Hard to describe, but you know the kind of deal where there’s a tight spot and it feels really good when you stretch into it.

How long did that last, the pain? I was thinking about it this morning. Six months, maybe? Eight? It is kind of like the awful hamstring pain I had for months when I first started practicing. I remember sitting on frozen peas every morning while I drank coffee before practice. Why did I do that? A weird kind of drive to carry on, and a dose of faith. Likewise the back pain. Something has unravelled, or is unravelling.

Zazen podcast. Scroll down to the very bottom — Zazen Mind. You will hear some interesting and familiar stuff, yogis. One thing that’s curious is to hear zen practitioners talk about awareness (and suffering) of the body. So do yogis cultivate a mirror-image suffering of the mind? We come to the same thing, from different entry points.

Promotion. Yup, a promotion at work. I’m happy. My Mom asked, “Does this mean you’ll have more free time?” Um, I think she must be thinking of the days when a promotion meant you sat in your office with your feet up on your desk and a cigar in your mouth. Anyhow, no, that’s not what it means. ;-) Still, it’s sweet.

 

Priceless

  • Sitting crosslegged on my chair at work all day.
  • Wearing flat shoes.
  • Stretching out in the yoga trapeze.
  • Doing daily practice.
  • Throwing too many variables into the experiment so I can’t say for sure what’s doing what.
  • No more pain at all in my back = priceless.

     

    Too hot to handle

    Experimented with a hot bath before practice, followed by a few minutes on the rack.

    Miscalculated slightly, and ended up in a SCALDING bath. I’m a fan of much-too-hot water, but this was even hotter than that. Pain receptors are less sensitive in the morning, perhaps? It wasn’t until I was lying in the water that I realized I was burning. “Oh well, I’m already in,” I thought.

    Read for 15 minutes about research done on yogis in the (um, I think) 50s, re: how they could control their sympathetic nervous systems. Hearts running at super low speeds, imperceptible pulses. The conclusion was that they were using the valsalva maneuver to slow things down, and muscular contractions to possibly move their hearts outside of the range of the EKG probes.

    Yeah, whatever, you crazy rational scientists. It’s savasana! And it’s MAGIC.

    Alrighty, so 15 minutes in the HOT bath. Perfect, right? Uh, well… if feeling super faint upon exiting the bath is perfect. Then a few minutes on the rack and out the door.

    Practice was bendy, which was the purpose of all of this, but there was a bit of a catch. I had a REALLY hard time regulating my breath. I did intermediate instead of primary today, and my breath wanted to default to shallow — which isn’t really anything new, but it was less fixable than usual. I attribute that to the stimulation of the overly hot water.

    I managed pretty well to make the in- and exhales even, until kapotasana. Everything went to hell there, because MM is having me do long holds of kapo B over and over before we do kapo A. Then another B at the end.

    I don’t think it’s my imagination here: MM is happier when I do second than when I do primary. I have no idea why this is.

     

    Plans

    The Cop: “Do you want to go out for dinner tomorrow night?”
    Me: “Sure. Where will we go?”
    The Cop: “You’ll have to think about it.”
    Me: “There’s this great vegan place we go to at work.”
    The Cop: “You have to stop thinking about it. I’ll decide.”

     

    Liz asked…

    “What’s the goal? Is the goal to be able to say, ‘I can do any posture you throw my way’ or is it to find peace within our minds and bodies no matter if that’s 3rd series or just the standing sequence?”

    I vote for a still mind no matter what the pose.

    I think stopping students [when they get to a pose they cannot do in the sequence -- and by "do," I mean physically and psychically] is a way to get people to chill and be present, rather than always galloping forward. I don’t think teachers have magical insight, but I do think they are experienced practitioners who can offer something of a mirror. I like to learn from their experience. And I like to “put down” my idea that I’m running the world for a little while and be a student. (In “real life,” I get stuck in thinking I know more than I actually do. That illusion — and the impulse to sustain it — is a HUGE pain in the ass. I think it’s probably my biggest problem in life.)

     

    Culcha

    Hotel practice on Wednesday, since I had to catch an early train to Manchester. It was a fine practice — I actually felt very energetic and light, as often happens when I’ve had too little sleep. That’s the only problem I’m having on this trip — I just can not seem to adjust to the time zone. Every night I’m sleeping four hours and then popping wide awake, unable to sleep a minute more. I have a deep newfound sympathy for insomniacs. I can’t wait to fly home so I can SLEEP.

    So, hotel practice on Wednesday, but back to the shala on Thursday. Have I mentioned the smell of sandalwood incense at Yoga Place? First time I showed up, Cary was walking with a stick of incense, wafting it around. I strongly associate the smell of sandalwood with zendos, which may explain my instantaneous love for Yoga Place. 

    And speaking of zendo associations, there’s the dristi issue. As mentioned in the comments on an earlier post, Yoga Place has a communal dressing room — a big open space with a bench that runs around it and hooks on the wall. People hang up their coats on the hooks and leave their bags on the bench.

    I guess a communal dressing area might seem daunting to new visitors, except it isn’t at all. I was accustomed to it during my stint at the taekwondo studio. Everyone faces the wall to dress, and you use zendo dristi when you enter the space. Not unlike locker room dristi, really.

    The Japanese face into the room to meditate, by the way, whereas the Koreans face away (toward the wall). I’ve always much preferred the Korean style, so am pleased with the Yoga Place customs all around. :-)  

    Okay, so Mysore practice on Thursday. Quite nice. I went in at 7 AM instead of 6, just to see how it was different. The space seemed a little more crowded, but not bad. As I mentioned, I just can’t seem to adjust to the time zone, so I’ve been having significant energy (and, thus, emotional) swings. Nothing that shows on the outside, just jittery internal states. What this means, though, is that it’s a great relief to roll out my mat. I know I’ll be okay (i.e., grounded and safe) for at least an hour and a half. I was diligently pulling my act together during the suryas, at which point the practitioners on either side of me finished up, left, and were replaced by new people. Two huge guys. Well, the guy to my left was huge. The guy to my right was freaking mountainous. Okay, so it’s no secret that in real life I find big men (The Cop!) and big dogs (Waylon!) hugely appealing. I can’t say, though, that I am at all accustomed to practicing in a close space between two huge guys. I’m used to being surrounded by teeny yoginis (a la The Poetess and Crim Girl, for example). It was fine, but more like practicing in a canyon than I’m accustomed to.

    Still, as we all know, once you get absorbed into the practice, your physical environment blurs and recedes, and that was the case. Practice was lovely and familiar and nurturing, despite my sleep-deprived frazzled edges.

    Cary magically appeared, of course, for dropbacks. I am amused at how she does that. With other teachers, you hear them coming, which is its own kind of reassurance. Cary, though, just is there — almost as if she always has been and always will be. It occurred to me that she has VERY strong “mom” energy, and by that I mean the good kind (the kind I try to offer My Gift): always accessible, balanced and unconditional. Not at all the overly-enmeshed or nervously manipulative bastardization of mom energy that makes me want to run in the opposite direction. True goddess energy, I guess. Reassuring and strong.  
      
    So yes, more dropback practice with an authorized teacher. While exhausted (yikes!). An exercise in controlling self-consciousness (story of my life!). Terrifying and fulfilling. Afterwards, lying on my mat in preparation for sarvangasana, I was vibrating energy at a very high speed. And I say that as someone with a significant ongoing vata imbalance. So that’s really saying something!

    ***

    Just wanted to share something from “real life”: Last night I attended the professional event that was perhaps the main point of my journey. It was very intense, in terms of being a challenge to balance “not knowing” (after all this is a country and a culture and a professional environment in which I am a stranger who doesn’t know what she doesn’t know) with some professional élan.

    All went well, in terms of professional interaction and social niceties. Interestingly, though, I was questioned by several people about the fact that I wasn’t drinking and wasn’t eating any of the meat or fish hors d’oevres. It seemed to be perceived as an American oddity. One man asked me if I was abstaining due to religious beliefs (I was kind of confused about how to answer, since I recognize that my choices probably are influenced by my practice, which is influenced by traditional Hindu beliefs and, in my case, filtered through a Buddhist lens — but that’s much too complicated to try to explain in a professional environment) and someone asked me if it was a choice I made “for health” (which he seemed to imply was specifically an American kind of way of thinking). I guess I am a little confused by this because I actually perceive a very traditional British awareness/practice of healthy living — in fact, I’d had lunch that very day with an almost 80 year old lion of the industry, who, while probably never exerting himself beyond long walks in the countryside, has what seemed to be what I’ve always thought of as a very traditional British consciousness of healthy living: good healthy food and walks in fresh air and wholesome mental stimulation. Those ARE traditional British values, aren’t they? Have they skipped a generation or two? Are they less valued in the city? I don’t know — I see an alignment between my values and those traditional ones. Still, I was counselled that I should consider drinking at professional events. Interesting…

    Okay, it’s getting close to dawn. Time to have some coffee, pack up my suitcase in anticipation of my flight home this afternoon, and head over to Cary’s for led primary. I am actually grateful for led class today — this introvert has exhausted her reserves this week and needs a dose of structure!

    London yogis, thanks again! You made my visit a true delight. For all of my fascinations with different cultures, I have say that the culture dearest to my heart and soul is our Ashtanga culture. If ever you’re in the American southwest, please let me return the hospitality! 

     

    Cary

    Cary is unobtrusive and gentle, but has that “everything’s under control in my room” kind of feeling that you get from very experienced teachers. As far as I can tell, she’s not a fusser — at least she hasn’t been fussing with me, which is greatly appreciated.

    I arrived at the shala just after 6 AM.  Almost a dozen people were already practicing, and I tucked myself into a corner and settled in. Practicing when travelling is such an experience for me. I get hyped because of the upheaval of being in a new place, but as soon as the mat is rolled out, I know that if I just focus, breath by breath, I can bring myself back to the center. I guess it feels like travel exerts a centrifugal force on my psyche. Which then turns practice into an opportunity for a deeply restorative practice featuring centripetal energy. In “real life” at home, these energies aren’t as apparent.

    The space at Yoga Place is lovely — high ceilings, the kind of cavernous feel of an urban loft space. Windows around two sides with shades that soften the already soft morning light. A good amount of heat, and water (yes, water!) in the air. God, practice feels SO much better and bendier when there’s humidity. I love the desert, but boy, humid practices really rock. Of course, my hair looks like it looks in New Orleans (big! frizzy!). Whatever. It’s worth it.

    So I wrap up primary and urdhva dhanurasana. Stand up. Cary’s there, smiling at me. “Going to do dropbacks?” she asks. I laugh and poke the floor with my toe. “This floor seems so much harder than at home.”

    “The floor is always softer at home,” she agreed, smiling.

    Kindly, she offered to assist me on the first, then I’d do two on my own. Haha!  After the assist, I realized she was going to stand there and watch me. I wanted to feign a British accent and say, “Run along, now!” But I decided to face my fears and let an authorized teacher witness my ugly dropbacks.

    Which were fine. Duh. Of course. Really what I have to refine is my *mental* relationship to dropbacks. It’ll come…

    During the post-backbend squish, she had me put my heels together and touch my inner ankle bones to each other. This was worth the trip to England. You know when you get a little tweak from a teacher that helps you understand a deep structural issue about your practice? Yeah, this is one of them.

    I’m having a little sacrum shifting going on. Important to remain calm, which I’m managing pretty well. I’d give anything for an Epsom salt bath, though.

     

    Yoga Place

    Woke up at 2 AM, dying of thirst and a little hungover from the glass of wine I had with dinner. Did a quick calculation of the amount of water I’d consumed over the past 24 hours and was appalled. I could have just gone back to sleep, but knew it’d mean a crappy practice if I let myself stay so dehydrated. So I got up and made a huge pot of mint tea. While I waited for the water to heat, I drank a couple of cups of tap water and chewed a couple of vitamin C tablets.

    Felt better when the alarm rang at 6:30. Had a cup of coffee, surfed the web via iPhone, took a shower & headed to practice. I love being on a subway again. I know public transit can be a pain when you live in a city, but it’s MUCH more entertaining than driving in the suburbs. I adore people-watching, and hadn’t realized how starved I am for the opportunity. In Scottsdale, everyone drives everywhere, so it’s possible to pretty much never see anyone other than family and coworkers and shalamates, with occasional strangers thrown in at the supermarket or a restaurant. But 99.9% of people in Scottsdale are 99.9% the same. Same socioeconomic backgrounds, same race, same clothes, etc., etc. A super homogenous culture.

    Yeah, so I’m thrilled to be here.

    Okay, so I just have a couple of stops to get to Bethnal Green. Head upstairs and start walking. And walking. And… Okay, now I’m clearly past where the shala should be. Walk back a ways. Nope. Retrace my steps again. No, the shala has not magically appeared since the last time I walked this way. Try the other side of the street. Consider calling Susan. Oh, there it is! Thank goodness for a big sign.

    Into a rather dark building and up a few flights of creaking stairs — this reminds me a little of the entry to Troy Lucero’s studio in Seattle. I find the entry door and step inside. A woman coming out of one room stops and looks at me.

    “Karen?!” she asks.

    Even as I say “yes,” she’s hugging me. Angeline (aka AC) is welcoming and irrepressible. Travelling can be exhausting, so her energetic spirit felt so refreshing. Next I met Kevin (aka Globie), equally hospitable, though more an introvert (like me). It always feels like a kind of refuge, going to a shala far from home.

    The practice room was warm and bright, with 10 or so people already practicing when I went in. As I rolled out my mat, I heard Cary introducing a student to sun salutations. Perfect! She’d be busy with him, so I could just go about my deeply-vata-imbalanced-because-of-flying-and-being-dehydrated discombobulation.

    Do I wish I were one of those people who can go anywhere and do anything and maintain centeredness and equanimity? Hell, yes! Sadly, though, I get spacey and pretty much leave my body when I’m stressed. Thank God for practice, though. With each breath I reeled myself back in. Talk about a refuge.

    I got a great, grounding adjustment during baddha konasana. Enjoyed every speck of primary, did 5 urdhva dhanurasanas, then went in to closing. I wasn’t sure about doing dropbacks, largely because my heels go up and I just didn’t want to trot them out. Tmorrow’s a Moon Day, but perhaps I’ll give them a go on Tuesday. I feel like I need a disclaimer pasted on me during dropbacks: “Please pardon the mess — my heels go up. Sorry!”

    After practice Susan, Angeline, Kevin and I went out for a leisurely three hour brunch, followed by a scenic walk through neighborhoods and marketplaces. A lovely morning/afternoon in East London.

     

    Cement traps & Chicken wings

    hot-wings

    Con call at 5 AM. Not my favorite way to start the day. I got up even earlier than usual (4 instead of 4:30) so I could be ready to dash out the door & head to the shala as soon as the call ended.

    Despite my best intentions, I got entangled in a follow-up chat with a co-worker as I drove to the shala, then spent 20 minutes standing outside on the phone, pacing barefoot over some smooth stones in the back parking lot.

    So I got off to a late start. Not a huge deal, as today is a telework day, and my boss is super flexible about my yoga schedule. But still, I am a creature of habit, so it was a little stressful to be off schedule.

    Standing poses. Hmmm, what shall I do for practice today — perhaps something a little shorter than usual since I’m starting late? My lower back feels great. Whatever that glitch was on Monday is gone. But hmmm, what’s this I feel? Oh, I know. My traps are tight as a drum! Argh. They feel like they’re make of cement. Is this the result of my add-more-primary-on-a-daily-basis experiment? Or maybe the I-have-a-job experiment? ;-)

    Transitioned from parsvottanasana into pasasana. Decision made.

    The Poetess assisted MM this morning. She mentioned yesterday that she wanted to practice the kapo assist this morning. So both she and MM showed up at my mat as I was finishing up laghu vajrasana.

    It is decided that MM will do the assist first, then The Poetess will give it a go. Fine. So I’m on my knees, dropped back, and MM is supporting my lower back and talking to The Poetess about something. I’m hanging there, when I see a glimpse of myself in the mirror on the wall. Hey, my feet look pretty close… and without thinking, I reach and grab my foot. Of course, since I was doing this on impulse, I forgot about protocol and just chicken winged my right arm to grab the foot. And yes, foot — not toes. Interesting. I start to reach for the other and realize MM and The Poetess are watching. And kind of horrified, apparently.

    “Does that hurt?” MM asks.

    “Not at all.”

    “It looks really freaky,” he says, and The Poetess murmurs her agreement.

    Then I get to do it all over again with The Poetess assisting.

    “Thank you SO much for doing it twice,” she says.

    “It’s good for me,” I say. “Extra practice.”

    “That’s a great way to look at it!” she says, seeming rather surprised.

    Okay, so I know we’re not supposed to chicken wing this entry, but come on! I can barely get my hands behind my head when I do prayer-hands over the top of my head. Side arm, I’m grabbing my feet.

    As I was driving home, I recalled the time I did rotator cuff rehab years ago (for a climbing injury), and how the techs always noted the weird mobility of my shoulders.

    I’m gonna have to think about this. I’m pretty sure I’ve read about people transitioning from a side arm to a correct kapo entry…

    Example_ArmSlot_Sidearm_PedroMartinez_2006_013

    ***

    And from this Massachusetts girl: RIP Teddy Kennedy. You did good work.

     

    Nerdish, with props

    I don’t have chronic lower back pain, but I *am* interested in anything that’s got signficant proppery. So imagine my delight with this.