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Cave of the sacrum. We’re all familiar with that (thanks, RF!).

In the flotation therapy pod on Saturday (of course I went back!), I was struck by how empty my head was. Nice. The darkened pod as container a strong metaphor for the inside of my skull — as if I were a tiny figure floating in there. Except in the dream, the pod/skull is thick black rubber. I have no idea why.

Nevertheless, it is a womby container for the empty that is inside the figure inside the skull that isn’t me.

How do I know? By the breath.

The breath gets cave-y and resonant in the empty. Indication of and access to.

During Ashtanga practice, that same cave-y breath. I can hear the empty in my head (which I love and am accustomed to). There is a new cave, though, which I can intuit, if not actually feel. Cave of the heart. This frightens me. I am accustomed to the heart being full.

Full or empty, same or different?

I was so inspired by Jaime’s float adventure that I looked online to see if there were any float places in Arizona. Believe it or not, there is a new “float spa” about 3 miles from me! I went on Saturday for my first float and have one booked for next week. I loved it. I had always wanted to try a sensory deprivation tank. Of course, now they’re called flotation therapy pods, but whatevs.

Here’s a picture from their website.

How could you go wrong with 1,000 pounds of Epsom salts, right? Throw in darkness and silence, and you’ve got a perfect environment. The only other thing I wish they had (“Oxygen bar,” you’re thinking, right? “They should have an oxygen bar!” Well, they do. In a darkened room with a huge round fish tank.) — so the other thing they should have is an EEG machine so you can check out your brain waves afterwards. I felt like I shifted into theta in about 30 seconds.

***

Up early for practice this morning, then off to DC for the week. Heading to an executive compensation conference, then an advisory board meeting at our DC office. Gonna be long hours and very early mornings, so it’ll be hotel practices only. At least I’ll be treated to some nice humidity.

The Cop is taking a couple of days off to dog-sit. Daisy is too young to spend a whole work shift in her crate, so he’ll be hanging out with Waylon and “Little Pig” (her nickname since she snorts as she bustles about the house and yard).

The Cop and I (and Waylon!) are on vacation in Tucson. A yoga vacation for me (practicing with Lisa Schrempp) and mountain biking vacation for him. I’m just practicing and indulging myself with lots of reading (contemporary Japanese novels and historical novels) and writing. Pretty sweet.

Okay, here’s a quote from Jaron Lanier, technogeek supreme, whose new book, You Are Not A Gadget, shot to the top of my reading list when I read this:

The ratio of passivity to creativity in people is what will determine the ratio of socialism to capitalism in the long term future, as technology gets better and better.

Here’s a link to some thoughts he shares about the book/his theories. A good intro.

I’ve been missing my feet lately in kapotasana. It was a huge mystery: my backbends are much more comfortable and deep, and yet I’d be in kapo, crawling my hands forward and then out to the sides, but my feet were nowhere to be found. I didn’t freak out, since the kapo Bs were in a huge improvement cycle, but I was perplexed, ’cause I could feel my hair brushing my feet, but couldn’t find my toes!

This morning, I set up the video camera and aimed it at my left foot. What I discovered was that I was crawling my hands up past my toes on the outside. Duh! Then I’d vainly search around, moving my hands out toward the edges of my mat — further away from my feet!

The most amusing thing about this discovery is the camera set-up. Below is my rig: a foam block strapped at an angle to the yoga room lamp holds the video camera at the correct angle to keep an eye on my left foot and hand. (The image is taken on the iPhone, using the Hipstamatic app. Cool, huh?? I love that the pic is square.)

Select outfits for each day Done!
Procure hard copy currency Forget about it. I’ll just carry on using my ATM card.
Sort out how to travel with the iPhone.

This last one made me think about my relationship to the iPhone (aside from utter undying adoration).

I don’t want crazy surprise bills after my trip to London, which means I need to turn off the datastream on the iPhone. But turning off the data to avoid international roaming charges pretty much adds up to: “Why would I even bother bringing it?”

The last thing I need the iPhone for is actual phone calls (which may explain why I’m such a satisfied user).

Top 10 Ways I Use My iPhone

10. Blogging.
9. Recording audio reminders.
8. Listening to music.
7. Playing solitaire and mah jongg.
6. Taking photos.
5. Taking notes about random things in “real life.”
4. Reading. Kindle app. I haven’t read a non-Kindle book in months.
3. Taking notes in meetings at work.
2. Emailing and texting people.
1. Googling for general information.

Yup, the number one use, by far, is googling. How tall is Tony Clark? Should dogs eat avocado? What are food sources of magnesium? What’s the deal with CIT? Where is there some good pizza nearby? I seem to need to know lots of random things over the course of a day. Today I looked at the street the shala is on in Bethnal Green. I also located wool tights and read about peptides. When I travel, I google maps. And I need to have maps available at all times, because even if I map before I start my day in a new location, there’s a pretty good chance things are still going to go horribly wrong, finding-my-way-wise. I need to do update mapping and emergency mapping right on the street. Embarrassing, but true.

But I could do without a phone pretty much entirely. I don’t understand why people still use them. Well, except for 911 calls. Otherwise, it’s datastream and apps, baby. That’s what I really need.

Cop [2:54 PM]:
who sang “endless love” w/lionel ritchie?

Karen:
are you on a stakeout?

Cop:
yes

I rarely do two posts in a day, but I just saw this GREAT quote on autumn lotus yoga blog, and I had to pass it along. I assume it’s from Ana Forrest, since the blogger is a Forrest yoga teacher. Anyhow, sorry for the rip-off, E — but this is something good for the Ashtangis, too!

Ah, quote — why do I love thee? Well, mostly ’cause you’re pragmatic and straightforward. You remind me that all of the whining we do about poses is really about US. All of the fear we feel? The desire? The hatred? The shame? The pleasure? Yup — it’s all about us. Not about the pose. The pose is a tool. To dig into the stuff of us — whether we do it well, or badly, or fanatically, or slackerishly. All of it is just part of the excavation effort. Whether we want the pose, or don’t want the pose. Whether we idolize the teacher, or hate the teacher, or beseech the teacher, or reject the teacher.

None of that matters. ‘Cause the pose is just the pose. A tool. Like a hammer or a shovel. Do with it what you will. But if you make it into an emotional issue or a physical issue or a psychological issue, at least recognize that it is an issue of your own making. ‘Cause the pose is a tool, not an issue.

We finally had word back about the pathology report. There is no clear cause of death for Ty. Basically, he was just perfect, physically.

The Cop called me at work to tell me the vet had called and that I should touch base with her to ask any follow-up questions I might have. The Cop was shocked and dismayed about the lack of a clear cause of death. I wasn’t. It was kind of what I had imagined.

I’d been out on the internets doing my research over the past couple of weeks, of course. And I’d narrowed the possibilities down to two: fatal arrhythmia or epileptic seizure.

So I spoke with the vet and discussed what kinds of signs would be left if either of those two disorders were in fact the cause of death. She pretty much ruled out epilepsy (as much as she could, being objective about the fact that we just really won’t ever know). Still, she said that she’s known dogs who’ve had seizures that lasted 30 minutes and lived. If he’d suffered a vascular event so dramatic that it would cause death, there would be evidence of it for the pathologist.

On the other hand, a single fatal arrhythmia, while rare, could leave no trace. It would essentially be the body’s electrical system seizing up. Like when a computer freezes.

That seems consistent with what happened that afternoon.

After I talked to the vet, I came home and The Cop and I discussed. He was really hoping for some definitive answer that would offer closure. I hadn’t been expecting that, and just wanted to know if Ty’s death could have been prevented. I was terrified she was going to tell me he’d managed (finally, after many tries) to eat some dirty socks, or that he’d had a disease that needn’t have killed him if only we’d known about it.

So that is all the information we will get.

Honestly, I used to be undone by unanswered questions and painful experiences that I knew I would never be able to understand. There’s a whole class of koans designed to pry our grasping human fingers away from the delusion that we can know the answer to “Why? Why? Why?” — so thanks to the monks who’ve brutally and compassionately smacked me upside the head about this.

***

Last night in my dreams I had a chat with Richard Freeman. Ty was there, too, hanging out. A beautiful California day, with wildflowers and warm breezes. RF wanted me to know that Ty would be coming back as a fuzzy rescue dog.

***

Might as well wrap up with a little learning technology humor. I am a huge fan of Web 2.0 — blogs, wikis, discussion forums — but there is always hesitancy in corporate about these technologies: what if the information is inaccurate? Horrors!

Much to my satisfaction, the organization is carrying on with a project to build an online community for our customers (and non-customers — just plain old uncontrollable strangers!). Really, it makes me proud.

If today wasn’t a moon day, I’d repeat my experiment with the binaural track before I said anything about it. But moon day it is, so my report will be based on just one use.

What did I find? Well, I guess a little context is in order: I am on the waning side of a deep, easy yoga phase. I imagine this happens to everyone — phases where asana feels very clear and easily accessible? They come and go for me — generally practice is comfortable, so I can’t complain, but the deep phases are particularly marvelous.

For the past week or so, that easy accessiblity (where I just lock into tristhana automatically as soon as I raise my arms for the first surya) is diminishing. Not too sad — I know it’ll be back. But it makes for a good time to experiment with the binaural track.

So what did the track do? Well, it seemed to help me wipe my mind clear really easily. If something about an asana wasn’t what I wished, I just went on. When something went really well, it didn’t cause much internal celebration. I felt like I was experiencing everything, but not “sticking” to any of the particulars of the experience.

I know this idea makes non-Buddhists nervous. What, no highs or lows? No vividness to life? No desires? Whatever. I’ve had my fill of vata sensibility: flying off into fits of inspiration, getting jangly with too much energy, rebounding into judgment and loud inner monolog, etc., etc., etc. Sure, those things still happen, but to a much less intense degree. And I’m happy for the smoothing out, which I definitely attribute to practice, both zazen and Ashtanga. You know what feels really freaking good? Peace. Stillness. Presence. We are enculturated to desire thrills and joy and drama and all kinds of emotional acquisitions. Sheesh. Who made that decision?

So binaural practice was… meditative. Just as promised on the package (6 Hz for theta waves & meditation).

***

Well, Matthew Sweeney starts his half-year of continuous world travel (seriously, look at this schedule!) in March. And he will be in Minneapolis July 10-16. As will I! Woohoo! I’d been mulling over the idea of going for a while (would it be too repetitive? should I go somewhere else? would it be better to experience a different teacher?), but when I got a note from Gracious Yogini, who lives in MN, that 9 of the 15 Mysore spots were already spoken for, I decided to go for it.

***

I can’t read on planes, trains, or in cars. For my recent flights to and from DC, I entertained myself with TV shows on my iPhone. At My Gift’s suggestion, I watched the first few episodes of Heroes. And was instantly hooked.

The Cop laughed and noted that I am now an iPhone addict — I watch TV shows on it, and read books via ereader in bed at night.

Remember those big huge “entertainment centers” people fell in love with in the… was it the 80s? the 90s? Anyhow, the entertainment center is now handheld, which amuses me no end.

Okay, so I’m a problem-solver and tool afficionado. This week’s challenge was a three-day meeting (yes, all day, every day!) with a global consultant. I told The Cop at the end of the ordeal, I mean, meeting, that practice really reveals itself most clearly in challenging situations. In this case, I was able to sustain my focus quite effectively for three 10-hour days.

There was a bit of a lull during the couple of hours we discussed rules around VAT (value added tax) in Europe, but the lull felt more like a little bit of relaxing, rather than exhaustion or boredom. And there was a bit of hyper-focus when we talked about IP strategy, because that’s the kind of thing that really captures my imagination. But the point is, my attention was on and my mind was processing well for three very long stretches.

This is good news because I generally do so many things in the course of a day, that I wonder if I still possess the ability to train my attention on a single problem in any kind of sustained manner.

So after the three-day meeting, I felt kind of crispy around the edges. I’d spent so much time in the high end of the beta state that it was hard to kick back into alpha. Well, until I found BrainHack for my iPhone.

BrainHack is a little app that offers binaural beats that can be used to entrain the brain. (The concept is that if one receives a stimulus with a frequency in the range of brain waves, the predominant brain wave frequency moves toward the frequency of the stimulus — a process called entrainment.) This is one of those things that cause me to feel two things equally strongly at once: 1) crazy hippie stuff! and 2) there seems to be some good research backing this up.

When the perceived beat frequency corresponds to the delta, theta, alpha, beta, or gamma range of brainwave frequencies, the brainwaves entrain to or move towards the beat frequency. For example, if a 315 Hz sine wave is played into the right ear and a 325 Hz one into the left ear, the brain is entrained towards the beat frequency (10 Hz, in the alpha range). Since alpha range is associated with relaxation, this has a relaxing effect.

>40 Hz Gamma waves = Higher mental activity, including perception, problem solving, fear, and consciousness

13–40 Hz Beta waves = Active, busy or anxious thinking and active concentration, arousal, cognition

7–13 Hz Alpha waves = Relaxation (while awake), pre-sleep and pre-wake drowsiness

4–7 Hz Theta waves = Dreams, deep meditation, REM sleep

<4 Hz Delta waves = Deep dreamless sleep, loss of body awareness

(The precise boundaries between ranges vary among definitions, and there is no universally accepted standard.)

Okay, and the app costs .99. At the very least, it’s a fun experiment.

This morning I’m going to try a 6 Hz theta binaural beat. It sounds like a thunderstorm, which is appropriate, as it’s raining today in the desert.