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As it turns out, I’m finding it’s not a “problem,” nor even a distinction.

I’ve been sick all week, with the symptoms getting worse and worse. Usually there’s an uptick by now, but it doesn’t seem to be kicking in. Bleh.

Okay, so one interesting thing: I am gauging my condition via how my mind feels as well as how my body feels. You know, like it’s ONE system.

I was brought up hearing “listen to your body.” This always baffled me, because my mind has always been a LOT louder than my body. That was my karma (habit). How in the world could I make my mind quiet down so I could hear my body? How could I be convinced it was my body talking and not my mind pretending to be my body? Gah!

I took up lots of physical practices to try to sort this all out: zazen, weightlifting, tai kwan do, climbing. Note a progression here? Yes, the “sport” got progressively more scary. It had occurred to me that the only way to circumvent my loud mind was to scare myself enough that my mind couldn’t fool me. If I could freeze my mind, I’d see what my body did on its own. Climbing was definitely the apex of my scare-yourself-until-you-can’t-think experiment.

But I don’t think that experiment worked, at least not the way I intended. I didn’t manage to turn off my mind, as distinct from my body. All that happened over 100 feet was that my mind didn’t noodle around with extraneous things. So my mind never shut up or went away. But what I did get was an opportunity to pay lots of attention to my system (body and mind) under different stressors. At least 10,000 hours, I’m sure.

So now Ashtanga is in the picture. The zen practice has had time to kick in. And I am sick as a dog.

What’s interesting is that I can feel “how I am” in the moment as a MUCH more integrated system. This integration is super-obvious at work (and yes, I do think of work as a sport and as a practice), where my body has to be still so my mind can see what’s going on in different situations. Kind of like zazen, where it’s really cool if the body can kind of pipe down and the mind can get really light. But it’s not a denial or disappearance of the body, so much as a coordination of body-mind. A specific configuration that doesn’t blot one out while favoring the other.

***

What got me thinking about this is a story on a friend’s blog, about a yoga newbie who was watching him do dropbacks. She watched carefully, then arched back further and further until she dropped back (one-handed, no less!).

Reminds me of my climbing buddies. Advanced climbers, natural athletes. Ex-gymnasts and martial artists. I say mind/body, they say body/mind. They definitely were super-gracious to lay out the path for me. All I had to do was exert myself and not allow my mind to freak out and doom everybody else.

In my next incarnation, I would like to be a body/mind person.

***

I went into work for one meeting yesterday, and it was utterly fascinating. Every single person I spoke with (and these are people outside my department, who did not realize I’d been out sick or that there was anything unusual about my state) reached out at some point and touched me on my shoulder.

I’m seen as a friendly, warm person at work, but I am not seen as a “touchy” person, so this touching was very unusual. I assume people were just subconsciously aware of my system being weakened, and they reached out to share some energy. (Oh my, I can totally see The Cop rolling his eyes when he reads this post!)

We drove to Sedona using some sketchy directions (yes, directions I found — which were apparently sketchy enough that The Cop declared, “Never get directions from a Buddhist!”) and eventually ended up on a narrow road at the top of a pinetree-covered hill in Sedona. There was snow on the ground and cars parked on both side of the street.

My Gift and her two roommates (let’s call them The Anthropology Grad Student and The Earnest Humorist) showed up a bit later (My Gift inherited my sense of direction).

We entered the grounds of the yoga center where the Relic Tour was housed. “One thing I notice about Buddhists,” The Cop said, “is that they dress poorly.” A fellow met us at the gate and directed us to a yurt where an instructional video about the Maitreya Project was playing.

We watched the video & then got on line to wait to be let into the building. Once in, we were directed to stand on line in front of a beautifully decorated table covered with flowers, brocade, flickering candles and shiny gold reliquaries. The Tibetans love their visuals.

There was chanting in the background and the sound of a nun blessing people.

While on line, we turned the prayer wheel and looked around. Finally, a man gestured for me and The Cop to approach a small statue of the Buddha that was standing in a glass container filled with saffron-water. We dipped wooden ladles into the water and poured it over the Buddha, holding in mind our spiritual masters, imagining the water as washing away our impurities and preparing ourselves to be open to the relics.

The relics were very intense. The video we saw showed monks, after presiding at a cremation, spooning relics out of the ashes.

Some of the relics looked like freshwater pearls, some like grains of rice. Others were perfectly spherical. Some were raisinet-shaped/sized (this was noted by The Anthropology Grad Student and The Earnest Humorist). Some were pure white, some pearly, and some amber. Some were cloudy, some opaque, and some clear.

If only I could burn up and leave just the tiniest perfect sphere. I found that such an inspiring thought — just one pinhead-sized sphere.

Some of the masters had many relic bits — Buddha was many rice-shaped ones.

And I loved the single container that held the relics of 500 Thai Arhats all mixed together.

Mahakashyapa (the first patriarch) was there!

Once when the World-Honored One in ancient times was upon Vulture Peak, he held up a flower before the assembly of monks. At this time all were silent. The Venerable Kashyapa alone broke into a smile. The World-Honored One said, “I have the All-Pervading Eye of the True Dharma, the Secret Heart of Incomparable Nirvana, the True Aspect of Formless Form. It does not rely on letters and is transmitted outside the scriptures. I now pass it on to Mahakashyapa.”

And Ananda, who I’ve always loved!

Ananda asked Mahakashyapa, “Buddha gave you the golden woven robe of successorship. What else did he give you?”
Kashapa said, “Ananda!”
“Yes!” answered Ananda.
“Knock down the flagpole at the gate!” said Kashyapa.

And Shariputra!

Avalokitesvara Bodhisattva
when practicing deeply the Prajna Paramita
perceives that all five skandhas are empty
and is saved from all suffering and distress.

Shariputra,
form does not differ from emptiness,
emptiness does not differ from form.
That which is form is emptiness,
that which is emptiness form.

The same is true of feelings,
perceptions, impulses, consciousness.

Shariputra,
all dharmas are marked with emptiness;
they do not appear or disappear,
are not tainted or pure,
do not increase or decrease.

Therefore, in emptiness no form, no feelings,
perceptions, impulses, consciousness.

I found my birthday present to myself!

Was thinking I’d buy a Kindle. Borrowed one we have at work to try it out, and felt like meh, it’s okay. Not enough love to really feel compelled. And most of the books I’d want to buy for it aren’t offered in Kindle format.

So, as is often the case, I stumbled upon what I really wanted once I’d stopped looking for it.

I’m not in California, but for those of you who are: Proposition 2, an initiative that will appear on California’s November 2008 ballot, requires that cows, pigs, chickens, and other farm animals “be allowed, for the majority of the day, to fully extend their limbs or wings, lie down, stand up and turn around.”

It seems like the least we can do for them.

Learn more.

The best thing you’ll see about politics this year. But you already knew that, because you’re on my team.

P.S. The website Jonathan Haidt references (yourmorals.org) is quite fascinating.

Okay, politics. I almost reconsidered posting this, because I thought I’d have to make a tag called “politics,” and that doesn’t appeal to me at all. But then I realized I could use “current events.” Therefore:

I’m happy to see that Obama raised $66 million in August. His best month of fundraising ever, and the best in American political history. Let’s hope people are waking up to how horribly cynical the McCain campaign is.

And on that note, a smart op-ed piece by Thomas L. Friedman in the New York Times this morning. Citing how McCain has sold his (supposedly maverick) soul for a shot at the presidency. Instead of thinking about true leadership, he is busy pandering to the evangelicals and playing the culture-war card.

Yahoo has a nice little election dashboard that demonstrates what’s going on, state by state. I’ll be watching with interest.

And finally, it’s always a good idea to consider the Sandokai.

More from The Philosophy of the Grammarians:

The goal of the Indian Grammarians’ philosophy, which we here call vyakarana, is not mere intellectual knowledge, but direct experience of ultimate truth. Knowledge of grammar resulting in correct speech not only conveys meaning but also enables one to “see” reality. This is the philosophical meaning of the Indian term darsana, which literally means “sight.” It is this feature that sets Indian philosophy apart from modern western perspectives on language. Vyakarana not only addresses itself to the analysis of grammatical rules (though it is certainly important) or to theorizing about the way speech conveys meaning (though that too is achieved), it also insists that one should not be satisfied with mere intellectual conviction but should transform that conviction into direct experience.

There is one aspect of traditional Indian philosophy of language that must be understood by the modern reader. Whereas the contemporary writer often thinks in terms of using language creatively, that is, to create something “original” or “new,” the vyakarana conception is quite different. The correct or insightful use of language is not seen as conveying new knowledge, but rather as uncovering ancient knowledge that has been obscured due to the accrual of ignorance. The Vedic sage does not produce something new out of his own imagination, but rather relates ordinary things to their forgotten eternal truth.

***

After much consideration and research, The Cop and I went to visit an American Bulldog breeder out in Queen Creek. A long, long drive out into who knows where brought us to this scene:

Actually, not quite that scene. As you can see in the picture, the pups are in a kiddie pool with carpeting on the bottom. When we went in, their Mom came out to greet us — so what I saw was a pool full of tiny, motionless dog embryos bleached out by the bright light of a heat lamp. Most surreal.

The Mom, Mia, was incredibly friendly and loving — even with her pups right there. (And she has a rocking underbite!) Once she got back in the pool with her babies, they started thrashing about and mewing and dragging themselves across the carpet, blindly making their ways back to her.

We will go back in a few weeks to see the pups and get a clearer idea of their personalities. My first impulse, though, was to like this guy best:

We’ll see what happens when we go back. Ideally, a puppy will pick us. That’s what Maxine did, when The Cop first met her. Of all the puppies in the litter, she was the one who just wouldn’t leave his side.

Hopefully the new pup will bring a little excitement into Maxine’s life, and the pup will benefit from exposure to a great role model like Maxine.

Ideal Performance State

Check this out.

So what do you think:

Regardless of our profession or activity, adaptation is what separates peak performers from the rest. The way we think about pressure influences the way we feel and the way we react. Conversely, acting is adapting. If we act confidently and relaxed, our body tells our brain “no problem here” and we start feeling calm and controlled. The better we become at acting out the emotions we need to feel, the better we can adapt to pressure.

Sounds a lot like Ashtanga practice, yes? Interestingly, it also sounds like a high performer in a business organization.

***

I’m no fan of books about Washington, but I am strangely fascinated by what I’m hearing about Scott McClellan’s book.

Here’s an amusing item from a blog on my RSS feed:

Uh-oh. Scott McClellan has written a book. It’s called What Happened: Inside the Bush White House and Washington’s Culture of Deception.

The headline at CNN reads, “White House ‘puzzled’ by ex-spokesman’s book bashing Bush.”

Perhaps those of us in the reality-based community can help them out: Bush is the worst president in US history.

Okay, that’s pretty funny.

Here’s an excerpt from the book. Fascinating. Either McClellan is a very good writer, or he had an excellent editor (or both). I’ve never actually thought much about whether press spokespeople need to be able to write well — I’ve always assumed being thick-skinned and evasive was the main criteria for success…

And though no one has a crystal ball, it’s not asking too much that a well-considered understanding of the circumstances and history of Iraq and the Middle East should have been brought into the decision-making process. The responsibility to provide this understanding belonged to the president’s advisers, and they failed to fulfill it. Secretary of State Colin Powell was apparently the only adviser who even tried to raise doubts about the wisdom of war. The rest of the foreign policy team seemed to be preoccupied with regime change or, in the case of Condi Rice, seemingly more interested in accommodating the president’s instincts and ideas than in questioning them or educating him.

I am so interested to read about Colin Powell. He always seemed like a man of integrity who got put in an awful position. How I’d love to hear his side of the story — but of course that won’t happen. On the one hand, that seems regrettable; on the other, well, what good would come of it? McClellan will now be smeared by the White House, his integrity and honesty called into question, the political spin machine put to work to diminish what he’s written, etc. The same thing would happen to Powell, and to what end? Everyone comes out looking bad.

***

Quick practice note

Hard to get up for practice this morning. Allergies, maybe, or an oncoming cold? Very unmotivated and headachey. Still, on the second side of pasasana I was rewarded with the loudest, spine-shakingest craaaaack ever. If I’d been a cartoon character, I’d have slowly split in two and fallen apart. Left sacrum release in a big way. Unfortunately, The Cop was asleep. The crack would have been a bodily noise for the records — right up there with the very best of his loudest, longest burps. And as a special extra prize, when I got into padmasana, my left knee, which usually pops up more than the right, was on the floor.

Cool.