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MM comes over at pada hastasana. “Relax here,” he says, touching the spot between my shoulders, up toward my neck.

“I can’t,” I say. “If I relax that spot, the whole universe falls apart.”

Perhaps I’ve identified another superstition that I manifest through my body?

***

I do krounchasana. Vinyasa. Bhekasana. Vinyasa. Salabhasana A. Salabhasana B.

MM comes over. “Are you going backwards toward primary?”

I am completely flummoxed. No idea what he’s talking about. The Poetess is practicing next to me and she giggles.

“Salabhasana before bhekasana,” she says.

I check my internal map of what the hell I’m doing. Nope. Nothing. I lie face down on my mat and try to remember the sequence. Blank.

Alrighty, then. Taking their word for it, I follow my salabhasana with another bhekasana. Then I’m back on track, though there’s still no map in my mind.

It’s weird when your body goes off track like that. It reminds me of doing forms in taekwondo. I could learn a form flawlessly, but then every so often, in the midst of one, there’d be a total blank. I’m curious about what that is about, physically. A synapse doesn’t fire? It’s weird to get caught out in a blank like that, but it actually feels kind of cool — it’s totally empty, like coming out of anaesthesia. No before and no after.

Knowing what you’re doing all the time? Vastly overrated.

Old refrigerator broke. New refrigerator arrived. Cop was shocked by price of refrigerators these days.

The Cop was in traffic accident. Broadsided. While in unmarked police car. Karen keeps giggling about what a drag it’d be to hit another car, only to have a uniformed cop emerge from said vehicle. (He wasn’t hurt in the crash, BTW.)

Work has been utterly crazy. So much so that The Poetess (who wanted to get in earlier to do her own practice) has been opening the door for me at 5:30 instead of 6. Yesterday I practiced until 7 AM, stepped outside the room to take a short conference call, then went back in to finish up.

Maxine is having health challenges. She’s an ancient dog! She’s hanging in. Has taken to being picky about food. I figured out how to tempt her, though. Two bacon snacks sandwiching a blob of peanut butter. I call it “The Elvis.”

I am reading Marcus Buckingham’s book, Find Your Strongest Life. I am NOT a self-help kind of reader, but I was very curious about this book. Apparently he suggests we ditch “balance” in our lives — trying to have everything and then balance it is more stressful than just figuring out what you really want/are good at and then focusing on that. That idea sounds SO appealing.

Working way too hard, but in the meantime, practice has just been glorious. It’s interesting, these times when life is so busy — I’m literally just moving from one project to the next (actually, that makes it sound more orderly than it is; I’m moving through 5 projects at a time in a vain attempt to get a million things done). Still, there is that 90 minutes in the morning when my mind slows down to one-thing-after-the-other, one-breath-at-a-time. Ahhhh, sustained moments of focus… Thank goodness for that.

Cop [2:54 PM]:
who sang “endless love” w/lionel ritchie?

Karen:
are you on a stakeout?

Cop:
yes

Got to the shala and MM was sitting there in the dark.

“Why are you here?” I asked.

“The Poetess is out of town.”

The new Tuesday and Thursday Mysore classes are very small, since they’re just getting started. I felt bad that MM had gotten up early just to open the doors for me.

“You can go back to sleep in one of the other rooms, if you want,” I told him.

But he was just waking up and getting psyched to practice. I sat down on my mat bag and we chatted for a bit. As it turns out, we are both having some similar questions about our practices, so we talked about that for a while. And then it was time to knock off the theory and set to practice.

But first I told MM to not fuss with adjustments for me; I am perfectly happy just practicing with someone else. Adjustments are nice, but whatever.

So off we went. He managed to contain his teacher impulses and we just practiced. Despite the pre-Moon Day, we did do intermediate poses. Traded assists at kapotasana and at supta vajrasana. I knocked off at ardha matsyendrasana, feeling very bendy and light and cheerful. Then a bunch of urdhva dhanurasanas that felt soooo good.

I had folded my mat underneath my upper back because I don’t like putting my wet shoulders on my dry mat when I come down from UD, and was pleased to see my heels touch one side of the strip of fabric, and my fingertips touch the other side — a span of 13 inches. I think I should just break down and produce a yoga mat that has markings on it like a ruler. I’ll call it the “Type A” mat.

Not much to say, but that won’t stop me.

Nice Monday morning practice. Primary, then intermediate to supta vajrasana. Lovely urdhva dhanurasanas, assisted backbends, closing.

This is a really pretty invention, this Ashtanga thing. Most aesthetically appealing.

Things are happening. This is funny to say, obviously, because things are always happening in practice. The body/mind transforms. Right now, though, it seems particularly noticeable. The thoracic area — what a trippy thing. It doesn’t *seem* like it should bend. But it *does*. And it feels really good when it does!

One of my very favorite songs ever.

This morning as I stood in tadasana, I realized I had a numb spot in my left foot. In the space between my pinkie and penultimate(!) toe. Hey, no wonder my left-footed UHP is so much worse than my right!

I kept flexing & releasing my pinkie toe, trying to get that area to wake up. Which made me notice, Hey! My little toes aren’t on the ground in chaturanga! What’s going on here? When did I start leaving my little toes out of chaturanga??

I reinstalled the pinkies on the floor during all chaturangas and had a practice that was super-aware of waking up that little spot in my foot. How could something like this happen?

Oh. Right.

I’ve been reading a terrific book recommended by my Forrest friend: The Body Has a Mind of Its Own.

The book looks at the body maps in our brains. Think homunculus. (In Seattle, within minutes of my launching into practice, The Diver saw evidence of the enormous eye that rules my cortical homunculus. Hence his little dance at the periphery of my vision during UHP.) Anyhow, last night I was reading about an experiment where the researcher sewed two of a monkey’s fingers together. After a few days, the brain was mapping the two fingers as one. (Yes, pause for a moment and be horrified by the sewing a creature’s fingers together thing.) Then the researcher removed a monkey’s middle finger. Within days, the brain map had adjusted to no longer contain a middle finger. (Yes, “removed.” Interesting euphemism.)

Nevertheless, the discussion about brain plasticity is fascinating, and the fact that I’ve been reading about it helped me understand what was going on with my toes. I would have taken the numbness as a physical problem (e.g., pinched nerve, etc.) except it dawned on me pretty quickly that it was a brain map issue. I flexed throughout practice, and then when I got to work, stuck a pencil between those two toes to remind them they were separate. They’re awake now, but still kinda sluggish.

Now I’m longing for some of those Yoga Toes things.

Okay, I work my butt off at the office and battle workaholism. It’s worth it, though, when my boss calls me to ask how I’d feel about a trip in mid-November.

Where’m I going? Here’s a hint.

So, London yoginis: what’s the business dress code (fashionable version, of course!) over there in mid- to late-November?

Primary, then intermediate through supta vajrasana. Backbends, backbends, backbends. No LBH. I miss the giddiness of LBH, but stuff is really opening up in my shoulders and upper back, so it makes sense to keep the focus on backbends.

I practiced next to A2 Daughter this morning. We were pretty much in sync from pasasana on. When I arrived at the shala, MM had run out to get a cup of coffee. No chance to chat with him about the kapo plan (i.e., let me work on my own, then an adjustment just to the elbows).

I couldn’t tell for sure, because she kept her voice low and was on the other side of the room, but I had the impression that The Poetess mentioned it to him. Still, when I got to kapo and did a hangback, there he was, grabbing my hands and bringing them to my feet. Alrighty then. Either he heard of my plan and dismissed it, or he doesn’t know about it. No matter. It’ll get sorted out.

Following my kapo, he helped A2 Daughter with hers (not that she needs it — she’s an easy heel-grabber). As she came out of kapo B, he waited to spot her in the half-handstand jumpback. She got confused and went up into a full handstand.

“Chaturanga,” MM said.

“What?” she asked.

“Chaturanga!” he said loudly.

A2 Daughter and I then traded supta vajrasana assists.

“I think MM yelled at me,” she said.

“Maybe he didn’t realize how loudly he was speaking,” I said. “Or maybe he’s channeling Krishnamacharya. On Friday he’s going to hit us.”

At the end of her supta vajrasana, I patted her leg. “Bakasana!” I pretend-yelled and we giggled.

***

I don’t want to jinx it by saying anything, but I think I am in one of those “every practice feels spectacular” phases. I quite like it.

Goodness, I was out of sorts over the weekend. Cranky and restless and just, well, out of sorts. Couldn’t figure out what my problem was.

Until this morning. As I drove to the shala, I felt happy and energetic and was thinking about intellectual capital and brand development, and… hey! I was happy because I was thinking about something I am interested in.

But it’s work-related. Hmmmm. I’m not supposed to think about work stuff when I’m not at work. I try to keep boundaries, so I don’t slip into workaholism.

I thought about when I was happy over the weekend. I was reading “Intellectual Capital in Enterprise Success” and taking some notes. But I didn’t do it for long, because I felt guilty for “working” during the weekend. I tore myself away and looked at Vanity Fair and Vogue. And got bored. And then cleaned the house. And then felt restless. I should have just read the freaking book and taken notes and been happy.

I get a huge rush when I’m intellectually engaged. It’s quite visceral. Is that stress? Am I supposed to take time off from it?

Is this the sound of a workaholic rationalizing?

I’m confused.

***

Practice this morning was maaaaaaaaarvelous. The Poetess was presiding. By the time I got there at 6 AM, she was at dwi pada in her own practice and the room was close to 90 degrees. Heaven!

I had a chat with her before I began. I asked that instead of getting adjusted into kapotasana when I got to it, I wanted to be left to struggle with it on my own a bit. I realize that it’s hard for a teacher to watch a student struggle, but since I’ve started going to the shala 6 days a week, I am really missing my struggle time. I learn a lot when I struggle, not least of which is mechanisms for coping with frustration, which is a practice I need to keep up with! Seriously, I do not deal well with frustration. I am a true vata, which means I think very quickly and tend to get frustrated very easily. So I have to cultivate my coping skills via daily practice.

If I get adjusted into kapo every morning, it will stretch my muscles and enable me to get into the pose. If I struggle with it myself, it will stretch my mind and emotions and enable me to get into the pose (though perhaps not as quickly, physically).

I told The Poetess my plan: I would do the “hang back” a few times, then go to the floor with my hands and practice pushing into my chest (weak link in the asana) by straightening my arms (other weak link). Then I’d practice dropping back to get my head down closer and closer to my feet. Then I’d be ready for help. And instead of a full assist, I just wanted her to stand in front of my head and push down and in on my elbows (very weakest link of all!).

“I don’t care if I touch my toes,” I told her. “That’s not my goal.”

She totally got it.

So I had a delightful practice: sun salutations, standing, intermediate to supta vajrasana. Urdhva dhanurasanas, assisted dropbacks, and closing. And that was enough.

Matthew Sweeney talks in one of his books about the trap of not feeling you’re “doing enough.” Much as I am spinning my wheels on the weekends about not “doing enough” mindless relaxation, so I get into feeling like I’m not doing enough at practice.

Today I did enough. It felt marvelous. The Poetess came over when I caught her eye after some kapo struggling (though it really didn’t feel like struggling at all — it felt like learning). I hung back, brought my hands to the floor, kept my head up, walked my hands in, pushed into my chest, walked my hands in more, pushed into my chest more, then lowered my head as close to my feet as possible. The Poetess pushed my elbows to the floor and I grabbed my toes. And I breathed. And then I let go of my toes and pushed up.

And then I finished my practice and took rest.

It was pretty sweet.