More Mysore, Kapo time, Asantosha
Posted in ashtanga yoga on 08/21/2009 01:52 pm by karenAt the end of practice this morning, MM came over and whispered, “Mysore next Tuesday and Thursday.” Hooray! Mysore practice will be 5 days a week! Woohoo! I’d actually been thinking about asking him if this might be possible, but I didn’t want to press him to get up early two more mornings per week. Turns out, The Poetess will be teaching on those days. Very cool. I like her energy and I trust her not to hurt me.
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As I was driving to work this morning, I thought about kapotasana and time. At this point, MM pretty easily adjusts me to midfoot. If I were still practicing at home, I would not be grazing my toes except for very occasionally. Those occasions would be cause for rejoicing, certainly, but I wonder how the not-grazing days would go. Up and down, I imagine. Testing my equanimity, for sure.
If I were practicing at home, it’d be easy to think I’d been at this for two years and getting pretty much nowhere because I wouldn’t be able to judge my progress. I realized today that I don’t judge my progress according to what I can actually do — I judge it according to my teacher’s assist.
Two years ago, VBG’s assist in kapotasana was VERY much a crank — and it was iffy if I’d even graze my toes. It happened occasionally. To great rejoicing.
These days, the triangle is higher and the candy cane more developed. Still, it takes a little pressure from MM to bring it all together. If I didn’t have those assists, it’d seem like I was in the same place. Get the toes, don’t get the toes. Yes or no. Got it or didn’t get it. Black and white.
I’d be in a much tougher place, if not for a few ounces of pressure exerted by a teacher. A few ounces of pressure that helps me see incremental change. A blessing for the impatient.
Either way, assist or no assist, we have to have faith. A teacher is just someone who has faith with you — which shouldn’t be discounted, because it’s nice to have someone keep you company.
I’m not saying practicing with or without a teacher is good or bad. It’s just different. I went back to the shala because I knew I needed to see more about my kapotasana. It’s hard, getting a “yes” or a “no” every morning in your own house. It can start to feel very lonely. It’s hard to keep the faith. It’s great for your inner fortitude, but a little tough on the feelings.
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This makes me think a little about how people sometimes lose faith in their teachers. I wonder if it isn’t more about a loss of faith in one’s self that then gets projected on the teacher. I wonder if that isn’t the root of teacher discontent.
08/21/2009 at 4:59 pm
This is the best description of my Kapo ever written by human hands. Thanks, Karen.
08/21/2009 at 6:23 pm
Hey Patrick, obviously I was thinking about your situation as I mulled this over during my drive. I get an illusion of progress that you don’t. And you get an illusion of not-progress (or severely limited progress). But really it’s the same thing either way. Practice & all is coming. The yes or no is entirely immaterial.
And, yes, I know it’s easier to accept that when there’s a teacher to dole out regular doses of yes.
08/22/2009 at 4:19 am
To be perfectly honest, I’m stealing doses of yes from the weird fact that my cat-paw Kapo dropbacks are building my Supta Vajrasana hand-bind and yet do not seem to be building my Kapo
Love the mutual illusions (not/progress). Yes, ever good to keep an eye on this.
08/22/2009 at 6:31 am
Improvement in supta vajrasana is the candy cane! So if SV is developing, so!s the candy cane.
And I just realized that a lot of my yesses — which marvelously transcend the physical — come from the cybershala. No one says much about it, but I’d vote yes to “Has computer-mediated communication transformed Ashtanga?”
08/22/2009 at 3:15 pm
Hi Karen, I was visiting Owl’s site and followed a link to yours. “Hi!” I’ve not poked about here yet, but I already have two questions for you. What is the ‘candycane’ in kapo? And what is the triangle? I’ve got some guesses but would rather learn what you mean. Thank you. Ah, and I like what you say about inner fortitude and feelings…. I find that distinction very comforting. peace
08/22/2009 at 3:43 pm
Hi Katherine, the candy cane is the bend in the thoracic area, and the triangle is the shape described by the body in kapotasana — the base being the lower legs and forearms, the sides being the upper and the lower body, respectively. When the backbend is really deep, the triangle is high, versus being collapsed. This is all just playful language shared by some of my fellow bloggers. I imagine my answer is exactly what you imagined?
Welcome!
K
08/23/2009 at 9:15 am
You: “I wonder if it isn’t more about a loss of faith in one’s self that then gets projected on the teacher. I wonder if that isn’t the root of teacher discontent.”
Me: Though I’ve never articulated it as such, that is exactly the case for me. Thank you for putting words to something that often comes up for me.
08/23/2009 at 9:30 am
Hi Terra. Yes, I think about this a lot. Was just talking with my husband last night about my relationship with a past teacher — a situation that I have lots of feelings about but can’t quite clearly articulate.
I’m trying to resist turning it into a simple black-and-white story of “he did this” and “I did that” because I *know* a lot of what’s in my mind is my projections. And the fact that I was at a tough point — physically and emotionally — in my practice… well, surely that *has* to factor in, somehow.
It’s really interesting to try to sort out what’s mine and what’s someone else’s. In the end, I wonder if that’s even possible…
08/23/2009 at 2:05 pm
Hi Katherine; great to see you in these parts.
08/27/2009 at 3:06 pm
You: It’s really interesting to try to sort out what’s mine and what’s someone else’s. In the end, I wonder if that’s even possible…
Me: Ya, I don’t know if it is- maybe to a certain degree, but there will always be fuzziness. We are all flawed AND inherently good. Not everyone will make a good match.
Also, I wanted to let you know that I enjoy reading your blog! I found it through Autumn Lotus Yoga and have added you to my blog roll which I hope is okay. If it isn’t please just let me know!
All the best!