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At the end of practice this morning, MM came over and whispered, “Mysore next Tuesday and Thursday.” Hooray! Mysore practice will be 5 days a week! Woohoo! I’d actually been thinking about asking him if this might be possible, but I didn’t want to press him to get up early two more mornings per week. Turns out, The Poetess will be teaching on those days. Very cool. I like her energy and I trust her not to hurt me.

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As I was driving to work this morning, I thought about kapotasana and time. At this point, MM pretty easily adjusts me to midfoot. If I were still practicing at home, I would not be grazing my toes except for very occasionally. Those occasions would be cause for rejoicing, certainly, but I wonder how the not-grazing days would go. Up and down, I imagine. Testing my equanimity, for sure.

If I were practicing at home, it’d be easy to think I’d been at this for two years and getting pretty much nowhere because I wouldn’t be able to judge my progress. I realized today that I don’t judge my progress according to what I can actually do — I judge it according to my teacher’s assist.

Two years ago, VBG’s assist in kapotasana was VERY much a crank — and it was iffy if I’d even graze my toes. It happened occasionally. To great rejoicing.

These days, the triangle is higher and the candy cane more developed. Still, it takes a little pressure from MM to bring it all together. If I didn’t have those assists, it’d seem like I was in the same place. Get the toes, don’t get the toes. Yes or no. Got it or didn’t get it. Black and white.

I’d be in a much tougher place, if not for a few ounces of pressure exerted by a teacher. A few ounces of pressure that helps me see incremental change. A blessing for the impatient.

Either way, assist or no assist, we have to have faith. A teacher is just someone who has faith with you — which shouldn’t be discounted, because it’s nice to have someone keep you company.

I’m not saying practicing with or without a teacher is good or bad. It’s just different. I went back to the shala because I knew I needed to see more about my kapotasana. It’s hard, getting a “yes” or a “no” every morning in your own house. It can start to feel very lonely. It’s hard to keep the faith. It’s great for your inner fortitude, but a little tough on the feelings.

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This makes me think a little about how people sometimes lose faith in their teachers. I wonder if it isn’t more about a loss of faith in one’s self that then gets projected on the teacher. I wonder if that isn’t the root of teacher discontent.