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Thursday Mysore with The Poetess. Intermediate to pincha. A soft kapotasana where I didn’t overtly chicken-wing my arms (I will try to find or make a picture to explain this, Fatou!) but I did
cant my elbows out a bit. Interestingly, that little change was evident to The Poetess, who said, “Oh, you’re more open today than yesterday!” I don’t want to crank into whatever rotation it is that makes the chicken wing possible — it’s not important (or safe!) to charge into it in order to “get” the pose. But I do want to explore it. Now’s the time to temper my glee.

About an hour in, Muscle Man showed up with his mat and set off into his personal practice. I was happy to see that — I worry about teachers spending so much time on everyone else that they lose touch with their own practice. I know he keeps his daily practice, but I’m sure it’s a lot more pleasant to practice at 7 AM instead of before you open the shala at 6.

Savasana was a magic carpet. I played some games with uddiyana and mula bandhas — got some deep memories of people and animals I’ve loved who’ve died. THIS is why I need to keep my heart shut! I thought, and kind of laughed at myself a little. Ruefully.

Okay, so here’s a question. Yes, uddiyana flies you up, so it makes sense in standing poses (I need to crank it down a bit there, ’cause I fly up on my own anyhow) and in seated poses and in backbends. And mulabandha grounds in standing and seated and… okay, what about backbends? Yeah, I get it in the up-facing backbends (urdhva dhanurasana, kapotasana), but what about the down-facing backbends: dhanurasana, for example. What’s the MB deal in dhanurasana? I’m trying to go up, not down. God, I kind of hate dhanurasana (and don’t get me started on parsva dhanurasana) — they make me feel all wonky. Maybe because of this backwards energy stuff…

Con call at 5 AM. Not my favorite way to start the day. I got up even earlier than usual (4 instead of 4:30) so I could be ready to dash out the door & head to the shala as soon as the call ended.

Despite my best intentions, I got entangled in a follow-up chat with a co-worker as I drove to the shala, then spent 20 minutes standing outside on the phone, pacing barefoot over some smooth stones in the back parking lot.

So I got off to a late start. Not a huge deal, as today is a telework day, and my boss is super flexible about my yoga schedule. But still, I am a creature of habit, so it was a little stressful to be off schedule.

Standing poses. Hmmm, what shall I do for practice today — perhaps something a little shorter than usual since I’m starting late? My lower back feels great. Whatever that glitch was on Monday is gone. But hmmm, what’s this I feel? Oh, I know. My traps are tight as a drum! Argh. They feel like they’re make of cement. Is this the result of my add-more-primary-on-a-daily-basis experiment? Or maybe the I-have-a-job experiment?

Transitioned from parsvottanasana into pasasana. Decision made.

The Poetess assisted MM this morning. She mentioned yesterday that she wanted to practice the kapo assist this morning. So both she and MM showed up at my mat as I was finishing up laghu vajrasana.

It is decided that MM will do the assist first, then The Poetess will give it a go. Fine. So I’m on my knees, dropped back, and MM is supporting my lower back and talking to The Poetess about something. I’m hanging there, when I see a glimpse of myself in the mirror on the wall. Hey, my feet look pretty close… and without thinking, I reach and grab my foot. Of course, since I was doing this on impulse, I forgot about protocol and just chicken winged my right arm to grab the foot. And yes, foot — not toes. Interesting. I start to reach for the other and realize MM and The Poetess are watching. And kind of horrified, apparently.

“Does that hurt?” MM asks.

“Not at all.”

“It looks really freaky,” he says, and The Poetess murmurs her agreement.

Then I get to do it all over again with The Poetess assisting.

“Thank you SO much for doing it twice,” she says.

“It’s good for me,” I say. “Extra practice.”

“That’s a great way to look at it!” she says, seeming rather surprised.

Okay, so I know we’re not supposed to chicken wing this entry, but come on! I can barely get my hands behind my head when I do prayer-hands over the top of my head. Side arm, I’m grabbing my feet.

As I was driving home, I recalled the time I did rotator cuff rehab years ago (for a climbing injury), and how the techs always noted the weird mobility of my shoulders.

I’m gonna have to think about this. I’m pretty sure I’ve read about people transitioning from a side arm to a correct kapo entry…

***

And from this Massachusetts girl: RIP Teddy Kennedy. You did good work.

Mysore practice with The Poetess was good. She has a very sweet, gentle energy, and she is earnest and… well, dear. When you enter the room, she hugs you, and when she adjusts you, she breaths with you as if she hopes her breath can help you. So she’s not just listening to your breath, or aligning with your breath, she’s actually trying to *share* her breath. As I said, very dear.

She also keeps the room a little brighter than MM, which I find super-helpful in utthita hasta padangusthasana.

Gratitude was the name of the game this morning. After a creaky practice yesterday, where I kept feeling a little nervous about my back, I had one of those delightful easy practices where everything feels really sweet. As I’ve mentioned before, if hanumanasana feels great during the standing poses (Yes! Contradiction! Hanumanasana is not a standing pose! This really does bother me, in an OCD way…) anyhow, if it feels really good, then I know it’s gonna be a great practice.

Primary through marichyasana D, intermediate through kapotasana. I’ve been feeling a whimsical desire to get back to LBH poses, but c’mon, it woulda been greedy to go there, first good day after a sore back day. So I let it go.

For now. There is something humorous and sustaining in the LBH work. Something enlivening. I miss it.

***

Before practice, I did a little reading about the “Tail Koan.” I’ve always loved this one. Occasionally I glimpse my tail, and it’s always kinda thrilling. And no, I don’t mean glimpse my tail in the literal I-can-bend-back-and-look-at-my-ass way. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

I don’t have chronic lower back pain, but I *am* interested in anything that’s got signficant proppery. So imagine my delight with this.

You know that whole thing of kind of pulling up and out of the lower back, so you’re not sinking into it? Yeah, maybe I got too far out.

My quadratus lumborum‘s a little irritated with me. I’ve been focusing on “up and out,” particularly during twists, and I can feel it. So this morning, I went easy. Primary through marichy D, then intermediate through ardha matsyendrasana.

The whole practice was about listening as I went along — I felt like there was healing to be had in practicing, but I also know I need to temper my zeal. And then I also know that I can deceive myself, especially if it’ll further my tendency to be zealous.

I went nice and easy through the backbends of intermediate, culminating in telling MM that I was feeling tweaky when he came over to help me with kapotasana.

“Don’t break me,” I said.

I went into the pose and he just supported my lower back. Asked how I was doing. All was well. He took my hands to my feet, asked how that was. Fine.

When I came out of the pose he spotted me on the “up” vinyasa, then had me lie on my belly. Then he pulled up on the skin that covers my spine — sort of pulling the skin up off the spinal column. It felt REALLY weird, and really cool. I am curious about stuff like that, because I wonder if there’s really an effect from the movement of the skin, or if it’s just a movement of my mind. Either way, it made my back feel better.

Dear Internet,

You promise so much information, yet you will not let me have what I most want this Sunday morning. At least not without a subscription to a database that can not be subscribed to by individuals.

Core Capabilities and Core Rigidities: A Paradox in Managing New Product Development

Strategic Management Journal, Vol. 13, Special Issue: Strategy Process: Managing Corporate Self-Renewal (Summer, 1992), pp. 111-125
Published by: John Wiley & Sons

Abstract

This paper examines the nature of the core capabilities of a firm, focusing in particular on their interaction with new product and process development projects. Two new concepts about core capabilities are explored here. First, while core capabilities are traditionally treated as clusters of distinct technical systems, skills, and managerial systems, these dimensions of capabilities are deeply rooted in values, which constitute an often overlooked but critical fourth dimension. Second, traditional core capabilities have a down side that inhibits innovation, here called core rigidities. Managers of new product and process development projects thus face a paradox: how to take advantage of core capabilities without being hampered by their dysfunctional flip side. Such projects play an important role in emerging strategies by highlighting the need for change and leading the way. Twenty case studies of new product and process development projects in five firms provide illustrative data.

God, it taunts me like those crazy Baskin Robbins “Ice Cream and Cake!” commercials. It’s in my head: “Core Capabilities and Core Rigidities! Core Capabilities and Core Rigidities!”

I’ll find a way to get you, article. Oh, I will. And the sport of it will be accessing you, somehow, for free. The way internet information is supposed to be.

Led primary this morning. Looked like around 20 people. HOT as hell. It was pretty nice. I know there are people who come to led class once a week and that’s all the Ashtanga they do. I have no idea how they can sustain that kind of practice — doesn’t it HURT if you only do it once a week? I’m thinking of running and weightlifting, and I know that if you do those things once a week, they never become easy. I don’t know. I admire the once-a-weekers’ courage. I wouldn’t put up with that kind of pain.

***

I love baddha konasana. When MM suggested I do up to marichy D and then my intermediate poses, I immediately started doing ALL of primary and then intermediate poses. Because once I’m at marichy D, how could I not do baddha konasana?

If you look back through these archives, you will see blood, sweat and tears devoted to this asana. It is definitely the pose that I’ve had to work hardest on. In fact, there were months there where I couldn’t do it at all because my right piriformis went berserk. And then months where I’d do it and the jump back out of it would be stiff and one-legged, because I couldn’t immediately extend my right leg once I was out of it.

Now, though, I love it! I can fold up and put my sternum on my feet and press my knees and chin into the floor, and it all feels delicious. Especially the little crack in my sacrum. That’s the best!

I never really focused intensely on this pose. It was so seemingly opposite anything my body had a tendency to do that I just took it in stride and made an attempt at it, day after day after day. I think it may have been a full year of VBG picking up a sandbag — two at the beginning — and plopping them down on my back. Still, through all of it, actually GETTING this pose to budge seemed like such a pipe dream that I never really got invested in the whole process.

And now it’s my favorite pose of primary. In part, no doubt, because it took a lot of work. Even sans the emotional drama.

I have this little dream that some day I will feel the same way about kapotasana. Something I worked my ass off for, something I wasn’t “made to do.” But something that’ll be super-satisfying in the end.

***

Italian food tonight! The Cop is taking a week of vacation and booked reservations at a place we love. I was just talking with My Gift and asked her to join us. I hope the restaurant doesn’t have a fit about the extra person.

***

Oh, and a little story. I was doing assisted dropbacks with MM and then he had me do a urdhva dhanurasana and was pressing down against me and encouraging me to press up into my arms and legs.

“More into your arms!”

“My arms don’t straighten!” I said. “Why is that?”

He made strongman arms. “You’re like me,” he said. “Too many lat pulldowns.”

“What am I going to dooooo?” I said dramatically.

“Get a new body next lifetime?” he suggested.

Yes. Next time.

At the end of practice this morning, MM came over and whispered, “Mysore next Tuesday and Thursday.” Hooray! Mysore practice will be 5 days a week! Woohoo! I’d actually been thinking about asking him if this might be possible, but I didn’t want to press him to get up early two more mornings per week. Turns out, The Poetess will be teaching on those days. Very cool. I like her energy and I trust her not to hurt me.

***

As I was driving to work this morning, I thought about kapotasana and time. At this point, MM pretty easily adjusts me to midfoot. If I were still practicing at home, I would not be grazing my toes except for very occasionally. Those occasions would be cause for rejoicing, certainly, but I wonder how the not-grazing days would go. Up and down, I imagine. Testing my equanimity, for sure.

If I were practicing at home, it’d be easy to think I’d been at this for two years and getting pretty much nowhere because I wouldn’t be able to judge my progress. I realized today that I don’t judge my progress according to what I can actually do — I judge it according to my teacher’s assist.

Two years ago, VBG’s assist in kapotasana was VERY much a crank — and it was iffy if I’d even graze my toes. It happened occasionally. To great rejoicing.

These days, the triangle is higher and the candy cane more developed. Still, it takes a little pressure from MM to bring it all together. If I didn’t have those assists, it’d seem like I was in the same place. Get the toes, don’t get the toes. Yes or no. Got it or didn’t get it. Black and white.

I’d be in a much tougher place, if not for a few ounces of pressure exerted by a teacher. A few ounces of pressure that helps me see incremental change. A blessing for the impatient.

Either way, assist or no assist, we have to have faith. A teacher is just someone who has faith with you — which shouldn’t be discounted, because it’s nice to have someone keep you company.

I’m not saying practicing with or without a teacher is good or bad. It’s just different. I went back to the shala because I knew I needed to see more about my kapotasana. It’s hard, getting a “yes” or a “no” every morning in your own house. It can start to feel very lonely. It’s hard to keep the faith. It’s great for your inner fortitude, but a little tough on the feelings.

***

This makes me think a little about how people sometimes lose faith in their teachers. I wonder if it isn’t more about a loss of faith in one’s self that then gets projected on the teacher. I wonder if that isn’t the root of teacher discontent.

Wednesday Mysore practice is always a favorite, because I telework on Wednesdays and can just forget about getting myself to the office at any particular time.

Practice was primary, then to supta vajrasana. I contemplated going on, but decided I’d put any extra energy into urdhva dhanurasana. Did 5 at a nice leisurely pace, making sure to push into my legs and up out of my shoulders. Need to test the Erich Schiffmann shoulder stretches! Are they loosening things up? Why yes, I think they are!

Quite honestly, I usually pay close attention to my practice up to UD, and then I pay attention to dropbacks, but UD often gets short shrift. I kind of do it and ignore it at the same time. Largely because it’s still tough for me. I mean, it’s gotten SO much deeper and SO much more comfortable, but it’s not a natural for me, and it’s not inherently amusing (like new poses or dropbacks), so I can overlook it.

Today, though, I did my usual five, paying close attention to how my psoas muscles felt, and how my shoulders felt, and how my traps felt. And then I did another, so I could check out all of those things again, and maybe see what it felt like to imagine the energy all pulling into the center of my body. That was fun. And then I did another, to see how THAT felt. And another. And another. Ten in all. Each one a few moments of listening and (as ES would say) “seeing how it feeeeeeels.”

It felt really good.

***

For anyone following along here to find out more about shoulder stretching, check out the comments on the previous post. There’s a new shoulder stretch in town, and we call it the Spanish Inquisition.

***

MM wanted to do dropovers after assisted dropbacks. Okay. Up and over. Fine. Up and oooooooooo…. Oops. My left foot came down off my mat and just slid. He was assisting, so I didn’t crater — in fact, I think it was all very graceful, if asymmetrical. I imagine it looked rather like a modern dance move. I wish I had a picture!

Woke this morning with one arm up over my head & it felt so easy and relaxed. Thank you, Erich Schiffmann shoulder stretch sequence.

I did the sequence three times yesterday, and intend to do the same thing today. On the one hand, I guess that is weirdly obsessive. On the other, well, this is a stuck spot and I have to work it out.

Hilariously, ES says things like, “Pause consciously” and “Savor this feeling,” and “This feels terrific.” My favorite, when I’m stretching at work, is when he says, in his suuuuuper calm voice, “Notice how you feeelllll…” to which I always think things like, “Actually Erich, it’s Monday and I feel kind of stressed out,” or “I feel kind of silly doing this at my desk.” Stuff like that.

It’s interesting to see how it feels to move in stretchy ways in an environment where that kind of movement is just not the norm. At first I felt super self-conscious, and I still kind of do — but come on, shouldn’t I be able to take 15 minutes to stretch my shoulders out if I sit at a desk all day?

I should make everyone do this with me.

***

Okay, so here’s a geeky yoga question: In ustrasana or when dropping back into kapotasana, what back muscles are held tight and which are released? This morning I got into the wall ropes and was hanging back while on my knees in a little pre-kapo kind of pose, and suddenly a muscle released and I dropped down a couple of inches. It wasn’t super deep, so I’m guessing erector spinae? Possibly gluteus medius?

I am curious, though, about what is and isn’t supposed to be working as I try to candy cane into a perfect bobcat.