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This morning in kapotasana, I had a moment of stillness. I was astonished. I am talking about a stillness that I’ve experienced only rarely, and usually when sitting zazen. It feels like total peace, where everything stops — all mind chatter and sense input — and there is complete and utter silence and stillness. It happens in between breaths and is usually broken by my realization that I am not breathing. Not a panicked realization, but just a coming conscious of how complete the stillness is. It’s quite beautiful. I’ve never really tried to pursue it, but just take it as it comes. I imagine it is the heart of pranayama?

So yeah, in the midst of a grueling adjustment (my lats and hip flexors are creaking open in a way that is rather intense — though the sense of it being “grueling” is more emotional than physical, truth be told) — anyhow, in the midst of that, there was the ascent? descent? in-scent? into stillness.

Whoa. I never saw that coming.

***

Every other Monday I have an early meeting, so I had 90 minutes. I wanted to press on past my usual stopping point, since MM has encouraged me to give the whole sequence a go. I was eager to take a shot at mayurasana and nakrasana, and then I figured I might as well carry on.

Mayurasana: great thrill as I get head and feet off the ground (not far, though — be realistic!) and balanced for a few seconds. Nakrasana: three hilariously lame hops forward. The vinyasa into it somehow makes it a little easier to get hoppin’ than just trying it cold. MM helped me eek out a more elegant 5 forward and back. Talk about a pose that makes you feel ridiculous. I guess that’s in case you’re feeling all full of yourself for having come so far.

Vatayanasana. I love. Love, love, love. No idea why. The soothing feeling of the toe grab at the beginning. The intricate little one-legged vinyasa. The kneeling down and rising up. Oooh, there is something intensely devotional in this pose, I’ve just realized. For a moment there, I felt all Catholic again.

Parighasana, gomukhasana. Check. The fascinating thing about intermediate is that many (most?) of the poses are not terribly difficult in and of themselves, but it’s a HUGE challenge to keep the breath and feel the nerves vibrating and still pull it all off.

Supta urdhva pada vajrasana. Huh? I have to do some more homework on this one. Also must practice in home practice, where I am less self-conscious about rolling around like an idiot.

***

Speaking of rolling around: Dramatic flying dismount out of muka hasta sirsasana C. I’ve never fallen out of a headstand before. But as I was just saying, the nerves thing was intense — I was jangly – and it was a challenge to focus and be still in my head. On my head. Thought I was gonna be okay, but then suddenly felt myself wobbling and grabbed for the wrong tool: my eyes. Focused my vision, but realized in that split second that I wasn’t gonna have time to solve via vision (Where the hell am I?!) so closed my eyes and told myself to roll (and forget about which direction was forward or backward or up or down).

As I hit the deck, I flashed on Volleyball Guy saying, “You’re gonna scare the new people!” when someone fell. I laughed then, and laughed again today. Indeed, the new people in the room looked a little shocked. Sorry, you guys.

***

Quick run to the shower, where I rifled through my bag in horror. Did I forget to pack panties?? Geez. This morning I read one of those Yahoo blurbs, “Fashion Mistakes in the Office,” or something like that. First one was “don’t show cleavage.” I am SO down with that rule and NEVER wear anything that might tempt someone to look down my shirt (God, that’s the last thing I’d want to have happen in a meeting). Anyhow, here I am hurrying for a meeting, wondering if I really need panties. YES! YES, I DO! Oh thank God, there they are, fallen into a side pocket.

Phew.

Okay. Let the week begin.