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Home practice Thursday! That exclamation point is a cheerful addition because I’m in a good mood right now. Wouldn’t have been there if I’d written this earlier.

Home practice of intermediate is hard. Jesus. Everything I write about references difficulty these days. Have you noticed that?

Okay, so I like Thursday because: it’s almost Friday, and: it’s the day Matthew Sweeney says is okay for entertainment experimentation. Today I did intermediate, going for a sketch of the practice more than a deep digging in. That’s always nice and relaxing. And it kinda took the comparison thing off the table. I mean, when I am in the shala, where it’s HOT, and where I can undistractedly work work work the poses, I get much further into backbends and LBH stuff. I mean, duh. So it doesn’t really make sense for me to feel bad about NOT being able to get so deep at home, but I still tend to go there in my mind.

Anyhow, yes. A nice sketch of intermediate. And I decided to use the video recorder. Because sometimes I feel like my poses are great, and sometimes I feel like they suck. I have no perspective. After practice I took some time and watched the recording. Know what? It’s just like MM said in a class one day. “Your poses aren’t as good as you think. And they’re not as bad as you think.”

They were fine. Not at all like how I imagine myself when I feel like a melting blob of jello or a stiff, unyielding fireplug. And they were not fine. Not at all like I imagine when I feel like I am utterly stellar.

So there you go.

All in all, I’ve been feeling more sucky than stellar, so this visual report was pretty positive.

***

MS suggests going past your regular poses in Thursday practice. I tried mayurasana and nakrasana. Gah! Okay, the mayurasana thing was pretty ridiculous. Mostly it just hurt my wrists. How can I get my elbows lower into my gut and rest all of my body weight on the points of them? Really? It doesn’t sound like a good idea when you say it that way, does it?

I struggled with my head on the floor and my legs all amok behind me. The Cop stopped in the doorway and watched for a while and I wanted to scream at him. Because I don’t like being watched when I’m struggling like an idiot. He didn’t know that, though. He couldn’t see that I was insane with rage on the inside. I watched the recording and you can’t tell at all.

Oh, that’s the fun about watching these recordings — there is a universe of experience happening inside, and pretty much none of it shows on the outside. I love that.

And then I tried nakrasana, and like a dope, I kept my hands under my shoulders. Uh, yeah. That didn’t work. In the recording, I heave myself with all my might and go nowhere at all. Again. Nothing. Again. Nope. Then I scramble off my mat and go to the bookshelf, where I leaf through Yoga Mala. Then I come back and put my hands closer to my waist. And achieve one feeble hop. Okay, that’s enough for today!

***

Um, what’s the deal with vrischikasana? Does it or does it not come after karandavasana? Why did I imagine it did? In the recording, I flip through Yoga Mala in vain, looking for the scorpion.

Sadness.