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The student asked Seung Sahn Soen-sa for his advice. Soen-sa said, “If you want the easy way, this is desire. But if you want the difficult way, this too is desire. Zen is letting go of all your desires. Then you will find the true way. This teacher says that Zen is difficult. I say that Zen is very easy. But we are saying the same thing.”

Dropping Ashes on the Buddha

***

Practice was tough this morning.

Usual routine is to get up, let the dogs out, let them back in, feed them, make coffee, let Maxine back into the bedroom to snooze with The Cop. Then Ty and I sit in the livingroom on the couch, his head in my lap while I read some blogs and sip coffee.

Then he gets in his crate, has a treat, and takes a nap while I practice. After practice, a walk.

This morning, I puttered about, not quite ready to hit the mat. What would be waiting for me there?

Decided on Martin Wolff’s Shakti-Bhakti for music. Ty’s favorite, but it’s not melodic, so it doesn’t get all up in my emotions.

And then I puttered around some more, until Maxine and The Cop got up. And then I practiced.

***

Practice was good this morning.

It’s been beautiful weather the past couple of days, bright and warm.

My body felt light and relaxed, even though my mind was afraid to be still because it was scared I’d be flooded with grief. I wondered if backbends would feel awful, but they were good despite the strange simultaneous combination of deep emptiness and a pressurized, vaguely explosive sensation in my chest.

As it turns out, grief in the body is much more “sensible” than grief in the mind. It’s “just there” in the body, whereas the mind keeps wrestling and rationalizing and trying to hide from it.

Sorry. Dualist.

***

Maxine lies by the window, watching over me as I type.