donutszenmom.com

It’s very hard to feel okay here in the house, without Ty around. All the obvious things: his food bowl, his collection of toys, his crate that lies at the edge of the yoga room, the crate in the bedroom on my side of the bed. And most tender of all, the two spaces he most enjoyed — a corner of the livingroom where he’d curl up on a blanket in the evening, and a space by the window in the kitchen where he could sit and look out the window while supervising my telework.

The prana is still there and I keep wanting him to come back and reembody it.

***

I got home from work at noon yesterday — usually I telework on Fridays, but there were a few meetings I needed to attend in person. The Cop was asleep, having worked the previous evening. Ty was in his crate by the yoga room. He greeted me as usual, wiggling exuberantly and wagging his tail. I let him out and we went into the back yard. He paused by the door to grab one of his rope toys, then bounded out. He trotted around the back yard, and I played at lunging toward him and reaching for his toy.

After a bit, I turned to go inside to make his lunch. As I looked back to see if he was following me, I saw that he’d collapsed and seemed to be having a seizure. I tried to rouse him out of it, but he was not responsive. I called for The Cop and he came running. We both tried to revive Ty, but it was too late.

My poor little buddy.

We took him to our vet. They will examine his body to see if they can figure out what happened. Usually I am pretty good at just accepting things, but I really need some help understanding this, as does The Cop.

***

When we got home from the vet, we were both in shock, obviously. So I did what I do when I am disoriented: I got busy. I’d been planning to move my blog from WordPress.com to a self-hosted site, which wasn’t as easy as I’d initially imagined. There was a learning curve, which I’d decided I would focus on this weekend. Instead, after the vet, I decided to apply my attention to the site move. It was that, or sit like a zombie for the afternoon and evening. So now the usual WordPress link redirects to the new site, which is http://donutszenmom.com

Transitions.

As Arturo commiserated with me yesterday, life is ever changing and fragile. Indeed.

***

The Cop can be suspicious of online community, but he has been touched by the response of the Ashtangis. As have I, though I’m not surprised. You guys rock. Thanks for everything.

Ty had what seemed like a seizure and passed away this morning despite The Cop’s and my efforts to revive him.

Say a little prayer or offer a thought to him.

Thursday is fun and games day (I think you know who TOLD me I can experiment on Thursdays…). I did my usual practice and then some research. Before urdhva dhanurasana, I used the rack and lay over the ball while holding weights (Hello, coracoid process!). After UD, I did some weirdo dropbacks.

First off, arms overhead.

Then, arms overhead with my arms bound. (Kinda scary at first. “What if I need to bail?” I wondered, “My arms will be bound together…” But wait, the LAST thing I want to do is try to bail while dropping. I mean, what would I do, windmill my arms like a cartoon character to reverse the fall? Yeah, I’m probably better off with my arms safely bound!)

Next, arms overhead, bound, and on tiptoes. Here are some pics. It is VERY hard for me to coordinate (i.e., I was NOT coordinated). But I just had to try it, after all of our discussion. Did I feel like David Swenson? Maybe a little. Especially cool is the little flying sensation when your heels go up.

And finally, arms overhead, bound, in the red shoes.

Now I really need to learn how to do this so I can take a proper picture of a dropback in the red shoes. And some other shoes. Surely there’s an artsy portfolio opportunity.

Check out this site My Gift found.

Need a new category for this one.

Owl calls it the “candy cane.” The upper back curl that you need for a nice dropback — or any backbend, I suppose.

I’m hoping the hands-overhead dropbacks start to crack open the candy cane. That, and draping myself over the rack and over a block, and perhaps a few rounds of viparita dandasana.

The curve is good when my arms are down, but as soon as they go up, zip!, the curve of my back straightens right out. As I lay over the block this morning, I could feel pulling in my shoulders — across the collarbones, actually, and in the little nubbin of the shoulders, more officially known as the coracoid process.

Oh coracoid process, how little I know about you. Well, except that the pecs, brachialis and short head of the biceps all connect there. Hmmm, let’s see. All the muscles that seem to inhibit my putting my arms overhead easily, or to reach my arms back in kapotasana.

We’re going to get to know each other, coracoid process. Yes, we are.

***

Okay, I’m liking the overhead dropbacks because my arms are always straight and strong when I hit the ground. (Yes, you get a nice, accurate perception of my dropbacks when I use phrases like “hit the ground.”) I am thrilled to be landing on strong straight arms, so I’m not going to feel too concerned about the crash aspect. At least not yet.

What I am feeling the past few mornings is some sensation in the vastus medialis. Fondly known as the “teardrop” to bodybuilders. It’s a knee extender and a muscle that I understand and trust. It’s feeling sore because of my coming up from dropbacks with turned-out feet. A no-no, I realize. (But Matthew Sweeney TOLD me I could! That’s my new excuse for everything.)

Yes, I am turning my feet out on the way back up from the dropback. So far, it feels like “training wheels.” If it starts to feel like more than that (i.e., like something I can’t keep incrementally moving away from), I’ll ditch it and forget about coming back up for now.

***

Oooh, I rarely come back into a post to add something, but I want to share the shoes.

So I was out and about on Saturday, and I spotted these shoes. Gah! I loved them. But I felt a little unsure. Pulled out the iPhone, took a picture, and texted My Gift to ask her opinion.

“They’re heinous. Step away from the shoes.”

Sigh. I was sad. But I stepped away.

Still, I kept thinking about them. Later that evening, on a whim, I pulled out the iPhone and showed the shoes to The Cop. He was surfing mountain biking sites, so I didn’t think I’d get much of a response. Plus, he’s not particularly interested in women’s shoes.

But he actually paused and looked at the picture, and said, “I like these!”

Okay, that did it. I went back and got the shoes. I <3 them. There is some question (in The Cop’s mind) about whether they are too “dominatrix” for work. [Note to self: that last sentence ought to make for lots of hits on the stat counter.] I think not. I think they’ll be great with a black pencil skirt. I’m drooling a little as I write that.

Here’s my picture. And now you know what size shoe I wear. And that I shop in cheap stores. I could pull the shoes out of my closet and take a better picture, so now you also know that I’m kind of lazy. If you hate these shoes, don’t write a comment. I love them and don’t want to be swayed.

Next post: stilettos and spray-on stockings.

It occurred to me that when I do namaste hands at the start of dropbacks, I get some internal shoulder rotation. Which leaves me landing with kinda bent arms (“kinda bent arms” is a technical yoga term). I default to unconscious internal shoulder rotation as a matter of course (i.e., in daily life), so getting past it is probably going to take some conscious effort.

Okay. The next three screen captures are a dropback with namaste hands — sequenced so you can see the drop.

I’ve been thinking and theorizing about this since I finished my practice on Friday, so obviously I had to try hands overhead dropbacks this morning to see if I landed with my arms more locked out.

To set up for overhead dropbacks, I extended my arms and actually rotated my palms to face the back of the room. That makes for a good external rotation, which locks my arms out. Something I cannot do, apparently, on the fly.

Here are three screen caps of the overhead dropback.

Yup, straighter arms with the overhead dropback. It’s also interesting, as I sit here typing this, I can feel a lot of sensation in the front of my body, between my lower ribs and hip bones. Muscular sensation. The good kind.

Usually, after dropbacks with namaste hands, I’ll get the sensation in the lumbar region.

The overhead dropbacks are super-awkward feeling, but I imagine that’ll get better. And the weight of my extended arms ought to help crack open the chest and mid-back more effectively than the namaste hands.

One thing I learned from VBG is this: if you have a hunch about something in your practice, give it a go for a month to see if you’re really on to something.

So it’s overhead dropbacks from now ’til… aw, let’s make it April Fool’s Day. I can decide then if the experiment was fruitful.

I know I’ve written about this before, but once again, I am baffled by my arms.

Dropback practice proceeds, with the entertaining addition of the vinyl sand dune. The balance thing is coming clear. The back bend is working itself out. All’s well.

Except for my arms. I keep looking at them, but I can’t seem to figure out how to make them straight — as in, how to extend and lock them out. I always land with kinda bent arms.

I figured it might be that my chest needs to stretch out more. Or my shoulders. Or my lats. Or even my triceps. Why is this so hard to figure out?

Today (after practice, of course, so I haven’t tried it out yet) I got the idea that I need to internally externally (Geez, see? I’m in here editing, because I can’t keep it straight in my brain!) rotate my arms. Figuring this out was is an enormous brainteaser. It’s like my arms aren’t really connected to my brain, somehow. I can figure out my legs, hips, feet, and back, but my arms are off the grid. I have to put my hands up over my head to think about the rotation of the shoulders, and even then, I feel like I kind of grasp what’s going on, but not quite.

All of my body makes sense to me like language, except my arms, which are math.

Yes, I’ve heard the advice over and over: “Go practice dropping back on the beach. Use a sand dune.” No beaches to speak of here in the desert. There are some man-made lakes and reservoirs, but they are surrounded by rocks and cacti, and I don’t want to drop back onto cacti.

Here’s what I got just before I got sick (see picture below). How hard was it for me to resist trying it out? Mentally, it was excruciating. Physically, I couldn’t get off the couch. So it was kind of a moot point.

This morning, though, out came the vinyl sand dune. It’s incredibly fun! I am mightily uncoordinated and there’s lots of yelling going on in my head (“Breathe, Karen! Breathe!”, “Breathe in going up!”, “Stay in your feet! Stay in your feet!”, “Woohoo!” — stuff like that), but I’m sure I’ll get the hang of it.

The plan, obviously, is to keep moving lower and lower on the dune, and eventually I’ll be on the floor.

[wpvideo EnG5gmBS]

The dune was shipped just wrapped in plastic material, so its cushy wedge-ness was not hidden from the mailman. What does the mailman think, I wonder? I get packages like that, The Cop gets gear from a police tactical store, and My Gift recently had a shirt for the Renaissance Festival shipped to the house from a company called Tudor Dressing.

I wonder if he thinks we are a house full of armed Renaissance acrobats.

Ugh. Still coughing. Everyone at work is treating me like I’m returning from a year in a sanitorium — I feel like a Thomas Mann character.

There is hope, though. Did half primary and the intermediate backbends this morning. Felt all ethereal and light — binds were easy, but I tired pretty easily. Still, it’s instructive to approach the practice with softness.

Savasana was marvelous. The magical learning process of physical-practice-then-be-still. It’s like having answers whispered in your ear.

Recuperating.

Finally decided to visit the doctor yesterday. Bronchitis. Got some antibiotics and a narcotic cough suppressant. Woohoo!

I’d been working, even though from home and rather slowly, but the plan for today and tomorrow is to simply sleep as much as possible and just lie around.

Luckily, Ty seems to be in a sleepy mood, so here we are on the couch, him snoozing and me watching more of season 1 of “Heroes” on the iPhone. Or reading the second book in the “Twilight” series on the iPhone. Or blogging on the iPhone. Or sewing new curtains on the iPhone. Okay, not so much the last one. The iPhone IS really good for invalids, though.

Realized today that there are things I only eat when I am really sick (when I’m healthy I don’t have ‘em at all), and when I am really sick, they’re all I want:

Okay. Back to “Heroes.” Did I mention how cool this show is?