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Okay, politics. I almost reconsidered posting this, because I thought I’d have to make a tag called “politics,” and that doesn’t appeal to me at all. But then I realized I could use “current events.” Therefore:

I’m happy to see that Obama raised $66 million in August. His best month of fundraising ever, and the best in American political history. Let’s hope people are waking up to how horribly cynical the McCain campaign is.

And on that note, a smart op-ed piece by Thomas L. Friedman in the New York Times this morning. Citing how McCain has sold his (supposedly maverick) soul for a shot at the presidency. Instead of thinking about true leadership, he is busy pandering to the evangelicals and playing the culture-war card.

Yahoo has a nice little election dashboard that demonstrates what’s going on, state by state. I’ll be watching with interest.

And finally, it’s always a good idea to consider the Sandokai.

Tyler gets very excited when I open the vegetable bin in the refrigerator. So excited, in fact, that this morning Maxine joined in, eagerly awaiting the upcoming treat.

I sliced a Gala apple and offered a piece to Tyler, who happily gobbled it up. Also offered one to Maxine, who took it, looked at me mournfully, then spit it out.

Other amusing things Tyler has eaten (at my behest):

Unauthorized things Tyler has eaten:

And in other news, last night he got into the open dishwasher when The Cop, who was loading the dishwasher, left the kitchen for a moment.

The T12 thing seems to be resolved. Had a few moments of intuition which directed me to: 1) cancel yesterday’s appointment with Disco Doc, 2) book an appointment with Candice the Massage Therapist (aka Thumbs of Steel), and 3) resume the backbends at the beginning of second series.

Work has been a blur of 7 AM meetings and presentations this week. Been getting up really early so I can practice beforehand. It occurs to me that the act of getting up really early to practice may be a kind of penance for the fact that the practices have been crim?

Anyhow, this morning, the weird spot in my back seems to be healed. No pain at all, and it doesn’t feel out of alignment any more. (The alignment thing was not my imagination: The Cop patted my back from some reason last week and said, “Hey, is this the thing you’ve been talking about?” when he touched the unaligned part of the spine.)

Perhaps the awareness work of the Anusara class helped?

Does this mean we can heal ourselves with awareness? Who’da thought? (Note: may have political, as well as physical, applications…)

***

One of the most efficacious healing moments came in the parking lot of Petsmart on Wednesday evening. I wanted to get a new crate for Tyler, who outgrew (in three weeks) the one that looked so big to me and The Cop when we bought it.

Every morning, I am awakened at 3:30 AM by the sound of Tyler scratching himself. He is a super itchy puppy. We are trying to solve for the skin issue, but there was also the added sound effect of him banging up against the walls of his small crate as he scratched. An extraordinarily annoying alarm clock. So Wednesday after work, I went to the pet store to get a bigger crate.

I picked out the crate, which is huge, even collapsed in its box, and wrestled it into a shopping cart and made my way to the cashier. Then I rolled the cart with the box precariously perched atop it over a number of parking lot speed bumps and to my car.

Which is, I remembered as I got back to it, a lifted Jeep Wrangler. Lifted by The Cop, who is tall. To a satisfying Cop height.

It took a good while, a number of tries, and a few aborted car/box configurations to stuff the huge box into the tiny interior of the very tall Jeep. While dressed in a suit. With low blood sugar before dinner.

A bad situation all around.

But I triumphed. First, though, I tweaked my lower back a bit. Which would have freaked me out except I was feeling so determined, and also because my current list of injuries felt so long that throwing another issue into the mix wasn’t that big a deal.

Right piriformis. T12. Right wrist. And now I’ve tweaked the right sacrum… Hey wait a minute, there’s a pattern here. I am all messed up down one side.

I am highly aware, what with all the practicing, that my right and left sides are very different. I twist to the left FAR more easily than to the right. My left hip is FAR more open than the right. Ditto the left shoulder. Etc. Etc. Etc. As a result of all of the adjustments I’ve been having, I think the whole chain of weaknesses kind of ripped open. Like the kind of climbing accident called a “zipper” — A fall where the protection pulls out one after the other as the leader succumbs to gravity. Often ends with a grounder (or a cardiac arrest) .

Or a cardiac arrest… Climbers are funny.

So yeah, I thought: Great. I have a zipper effect happening down my right side.

And I got into my Jeep and drove home.

***

Cut to this morning.

The T12 feels… well, it feels normal.

Practice today is Primary. Thus ends Crim Week.

Had to be in the office by 7 AM. Egads, this is ridiculous. Got up at 3:30 with Tyler. Fed him and amused him until he keeled over for his morning nap. Then I did a crim Ashtanga practice. To navasana, then intermediate to ustrasana. Then closing.

Here’s the deal: I have to face the fact that I have been systematically overadjusted over the past few weeks and am now feeling the effects. None of this is the teacher’s fault, the system’s fault, or my fault. Everyone was just being enthusiastic and devoted.

Nevertheless, I’ve had too many deep adjustments and my body is pretty tweaked.

Piriformis = shot. T12 = shot.

Ah, well.

The crim week is well-timed, and has been useful. I was being adjusted so much that I started to think my practice sucked. Which made me work harder. Which brought more adjustments. Which… blah blah blah.

It’s been nice to go to classes I have no investment in and just see myself in a mirror. Everything is fine, I don’t need to try so hard. All the striving is “working,” if being the flexible person in class is the goal. It’s not working if being balanced and free of pain is the goal.

I am going to take some time to be even MORE crim. I am going to get a mirror in the yoga room so I can assess my alignment, and I’m going to spend some time doing awareness work, and if I go to Mysore practice, I am going to request spoken adjustments rather than hands-on adjustments.

Last night, Tyler ate a stick of butter The Cop put on a low table. All night he barked and moaned and rolled around in his crate like he was possessed by the devil.

I was pretty tired this morning.

At which point, I read from the Yoga Sutras:

Postures must have the two qualities of firmness and ease.

Gregor Maehle comments:

If the field of perception is filled with pain, the mind will be distracted. Patanjali’s definition of posture as ease automatically eliminates that which causes pain. If you are in a pose and experience pain you will not be at ease.

The widespread tendency in modern yoga to practice the poses in such a way that they hurt leads to being preoccupied with the body. This is by definition not yoga asana.

According to scripture, in asana the limbs have to be placed in a pleasant and steady positioning so as not to interfere with the yogi’s concentration. The inner breath (prana) is then arrested and moved into the central channel (sushumna). Sushumna will eat time, and the fluctuations of the mind will be arrested. Meditation on Brahman will then arise.

Asana is thus a preparation for samadhi, whereas practices that lead to pain will increase the bond between the phenomenal self and the body, which in itself is the yogic definition of suffering.

***

A little crim practice first thing this morning, using a DVD by Gabriella Giubilaro.

Lovely. And yes, crim week includes crim confessions: I love, love, love! asana without vinyasa.

Ardha chandrasana, always one of my favorite poses, was included today. On the right side, there was a delicate, whispery click click click, which adjusted and relieved the T12 hot spot.

***

At 10, I left the office and headed over to the nearby Anusara studio. Was looking forward to seeing my very first teacher, who owned the studio until recently. He’s been traveling and teaching so much that he sold it, though he still teaches there.

Unfortunately, he had a sub today. The sub was a lovely woman with a nervous, inner monolog leak. Inner monolog leaks aren’t my favorite thing, but whatever — we were just hanging out doing yoga. But it did occur to me that this particular nervous tic is verboten in corporate America –- a career killer, if you’re interested in climbing the ladder. I’m kind of curious about why that is. Too much naked humanity, perhaps.

We goofed around with Paryankasana (which I love), and some shoulder openers. Stood lined up a foot from the mirror for some shoulder awareness. Um, I look like a linebacker – all muscular (and I’ve lost LOTS of muscle since I switched from weights to ashtanga!). Anyhow, I look hulking compared to the others.

Interestingly, I imagined I’d be a stiff hulk compared to the Anusarans – but as it turns out, Ashtanga really makes you flexy.

Trikonasana without grabbing the toes. God, that feels weird! Virasana and supta virasana stuff. Pincha mayurasana variations. Hanumanasana variations.

Nice, all of it.

When My First Teacher teaches this particular class, which is an improv, hang-out-and-do-some-fun-poses class, he tends toward the esoteric. But this was a nice re-introduction.

***

Thanks all, for ongoing suggestions of crim practices. Keep ‘em coming. Maybe I’ll make a compilation of criminality.

It’s worth noting, I think, that the vast majority of the criminality is coming from men. What’s up with that?

Run out of office in the late afternoon and drive to class, cursing the traffic and feeling stressed about time. Ah, so this is what people feel like, going to yoga class. No driving through the quiet morning darkness, singing Sanskrit chants and enjoying the new day.

Hot yoga was fine. A not-Bikram sequence. Complete with no Bikram-style yelling pep talks about “Pull! Pull! Pull!” No, in fact, the instructor talked in vinyasa voice. Which is better, but still pretty sketchy.

I got totally freaked out by all the directions at one point and wanted to scream, “Stop telling me what to DO!”

Self-practice much?

The practice was okay. The heat a bit much. Made me feel kind of shaky and distracted. No freaking way I can do UHP looking at my reflection in a mirror. I pratyahara-ed as hard as I could, but no go.

Discovered that Evian tastes sweet in a hot yoga room. I’m no Evian fan to begin with, but it’s all that was in the pantry this morning — the sweet water discovery was deeply unpleasant. I’ll take my water bitter, thanks.

Muscle cramps. In my calves. Must eat salt later (this is good news, I LOVE salt and any excuse to consume it).

Backbends. Hey! The intermediate work is “working”! My salabasana and dhanurasana look great! Uh oh, why am I thinking this? Oh, I know, it’s because I am staring at myself in a mirror.

And duh, suddenly I realize that my back woes started when I backed off the intermediate backbends and threw myself headlong into the dropbacks. Hmmmm?

Baddha konasana. I don’t think so. It’s a total NO GO. Not only can I not bend forward, I have a screaming piriformis. Huh? I’ve been here for an hour, but I’m not open enough to do baddha konasana in any form? Oh wait, it’s because I have done pretty much ZERO forward bends.

I miss Ashtanga! I miss bending forward!

Criminal status revoked.

***

Driving home, I plot. To no avail. I have a bunch of variables, but no good design solution. Perhaps I my overheated core and dehydrated brain are not up for creative thinking.

Here’s the deal, though: My T12 hurts in backbends. I suspect I need to rehab — with the early intermediate backbends.

My piriformis is tweaked. Keep doing baddha konasana, or back off for a bit?

Ideally, I’d do a nice, slow, mindful primary plus some-of-intermediate practice, with a lengthy, rejuvenating closing sequence. But the reality is: I have a shorter amount of time for practice, due to the hours Muscle Man and The Archangel keep at Starbucks of Yoga. So I jettisoned intermediate backbends and just did primary and lots of urdhva dhanurasana and assisted dropbacks.

But maybe, just maybe, the deeper dropback backbending has to be supported by the intermediate backbends? Did I jettison an important support beam in the structure?

How to compress primary, intermediate through ustrasana, UD, dropbacks and closing into an hour? Is that even possible? If someone is actually managing that, I’d like to hear about it.

Otherwise the options seem to be to do a truncated practice of some sort, or to ditch the shala and do lengthy practices at home. “Slower progress without a teacher!” “Do the whole practice!” “Listen to your teacher!” “Listen to your body.”

*sigh*

Mucho chitta vrttis.

Have I turned my daily practice into an austerity?

I can be stubborn and grim, and — think about it — what better way to set yourself down the road to austerity?

In the Dhammacakkappavattana Sutta (the first sermon the Buddha gave after enlightenment), he taught that seekers of truth must avoid two extremes —- that of the path of sensual pleasure, and that of extreme penance or austerity.

It used to be that sensual pleasure was easiest for me — Of course it was! I went to art school! In a major city! In the seventies! Now, though, austerity is the easier road. Why? Because I saw the limits of sensual pleasure, and — I guess, not surprisingly — overcorrected.

***

Did a prop-heavy inquiry-based little practice as Tyler napped. Based on Donna Farhi’s book, Yoga Mind, Body & Spirit. Deep savasana kind of trance mind throughout pretty much the whole sequence.

Realized: been bending the thoracic too low, been too “empty” in uddiyana bandha.

I am a bottom-rib projector: I love that feeling, where the bottom of the ribs feel like they’ve come loose from the rest of the torso. It’s easy to over-do (at least for me) when messing around with uddiyana bandha.

I’ve always been a little mystified by uddiyana bandha. It seems like the exact opposite of the kind of intra-abdominal pressure one uses to stabilize the spine during weightlifting.

This morning, backbending through a chair onto bolsters, it finally dawned on me that uddiyana in backbends isn’t an “either/or” situation. Not either the lower-rib expanding emptiness of what I was thinking of as uddiyana bandha OR the intra-abdominal pressure (stabilizing, but also a strong static compression) of weightlifting. Nope. What I need is the lengthening, empty expansion in conjunction with a pulling-the-lower-ribs-down to engage the rectus abdominis.

The pressure of the weightlifting “bandha” engages the lower back and obliques. The empty-uddiyana-with-pulled-down-ribs engages the front of the body.

If this doesn’t make sense to you, forget about it. You’re probably already doing it right.

Me? I had a stabilizing strategy for weightlifting (practiced daily, for decades), which didn’t work in backbends. So I threw it out and didn’t use any stabilization (just pure abandon) as a strategy for moving more into backbends. Abandon and a whole lot of pushing myself.

Yeah. Not a great plan.

Another example of how I tend to be all-or-nothing — all black-or-white.

In truth, though, I think I am actually quite adept at avoiding black-and-white thinking in my day to day projects and in interactions with other people. Where it falls down is when I try to apply it to myself.

So the physical practice helps sort it out. Though painfully, occasionally…

T12 pain sensation brought me to investigate chiropractors on the company health plan. I go to chiropractors every couple of years or so, when I need a few sessions to fix whatever I’ve done to myself.

Selected the chiro closest to the office and made an appointment for the next day. Last chiro I went to was not amused that I’d messed up my back by doing a little ricochet fall while rock climbing. Seemed to think I should bag the climbing and schedule twice-weekly chiro sessions to go on into perpetuity. How would it go with the new guy? I wondered.

Well, I guess I’m gonna call the new guy Disco Doc. Why? He’s a smooth-talking fellow who is straight out of one of the upscale martini bars here in Scottsdale. Lots of off-handed, clearly well-rehearsed one liners. Gold chain to indicate alpha status. (Though if you indicate alpha status, you are automatically disqualified. Seriously, that’s the rule. Make note.)

He seemed disconcerted by my explanation of the pain. (“It’s not too bad — I pretty much only feel it when I backbend or put my feet behind my head.”) Suggested humans aren’t meant to do such things. I find this a little distressing. Shouldn’t Disco Doc, of all people, have a deep and abiding respect for the strength and flexibility of the spinal column?

No matter. He cracked my back like a pro, and that’s really all I care about. The nightclub-quality patter can be overlooked. Unless I ever go into an appointment and find him wearing leather pants. If that happens, I’m outta there.

Anyhow, freshly cracked, I presented myself at the front desk to book my second session. “Oh, he won’t be here,” the receptionist said, sadly. “You’ll have to see the other doctor.”

Things are going my way.

***

Yup, so the T12 hurts, and the right piriformis. Primary on Friday wasn’t horribly painful, but I felt distracted by the sensations that just feel odd until I go deep enough to find the painful cream filling. And it was extremely hard to relax in supta kurmasana as Muscle Man pulled the knot of my legs tighter.

Next week is a full week of very early mornings at the office. A number of different conference calls and webconferences and presentations for different groups — all of which start anywhere from 7 to 8 AM. Plus, I have to factor in a half hour to prepare whatever technology we’re using to broadcast. So, yoga practice will be… um, different. As soon as I saw how my schedule was panning out, I told my boss I couldn’t possibly skip practice 5 days in a row. She was quite sympathetic. Suggested I practice at some point during the work day, seeing as I’ll be coming in so early.

I’ve scoured the schedules of some nearby studios and will do a combination of Anusara and Bikram classes next week. Ought to be good blog fodder, for one thing — will also give me a break from the, uh, repetitive stress of Ashtanga, brush me up on alignment (Anusara) and offer some heat therapy (Bikram).

When I first started considering my crim week, I felt like I was betraying my religion. Now I’m feeling pretty excited and amused by the whole idea.

***

Noodled around with handstands and the wall ropes as the puppy took his mid-morning nap this morning. Handstands are sucky since I haven’t been practicing them at all. This is sad, because nothing makes me happier than doing handstands for my own amusement. I really don’t think of them as yoga; much like headstands, they are just things I liked to do even before I ever took a yoga class.

And wall rope hijinks are great fun. Even though I do always wonder about how well the attachments are holding up.

[wpvideo 0O3QXbse]

***

May take the puppy over to visit my parents today. They live about 40 minutes away. How much of one of the seats in The Cop’s truck will Tyler be able to eat in 40 minutes, I wonder?

People ask me if American bulldogs bark. Not so much apparently. What they do, though, is moan. This video is a pretty mellow example. He can go on chewing and moaning for minutes on end, getting louder and louder. It’s hilarious. One day, I think I’ll lie under my desk at work with a chew toy and make existential moans like an American bulldog.

Feast your ears.

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This morning, Owl and V talking about practice, minus the “look at me!” factor.

It’s the *dailiness* that makes the practice. That you do, rather than what you do.

The sheer persistance, day in and day out. The devotion.

***

“The reality of love is mutilated when it is removed from all its unreality.” So said the French philosopher Gaston Bachelard in his book The Poetics of Reverie. He meant that realism alone is not enough for human beings to live on, especially in our most intimate relationships. We need fantasy to augment the merely factual perspective. We require poetic truths to keep the rational approach honest. Without the play of the imagination, in fact, our understanding of the world is impoverished and distorted.

Awww, how long since I’ve thought about Bachelard. So romantic, so poetic…

Rob Brezsny’s Freewill Astrology

***

Tonight, I was out watering the new trees and bushes in the back yard. La de da, I was just going along relaxing and daydreaming. Then I realized: Tyler’s being awfully quiet.

And there he was, over by the new mesquite tree.

Lovely holiday (i.e., no office afterwards) practice. I feel nice and strong, lately — if a little stiff — and The Archangel’s been pointing out lots of things I need to do to ground myself more. Yup, I’m vata like crazy, and left to my own devices for almost a year of self-practice has allowed me to float up out of my legs. Seriously, I practically levitate during practice. Amusing, perhaps, from a “Whoa! Soon I’ll have a siddhi!” perspective. Not so good outside that whimsical imaginative realm.

Lately my (I think) T12 vertabra is feeling kinda sensitive. And it also kinda pokes out a bit. Both of these things give me pause. On the other hand, my back now folds open much more at that point. So I’m guessing I’m on the right track in terms of opening the thoracic. If anyone knows better and wants to issue a warning, feel free.

Along with the sore spinous process (and I’m assuming another result of the focus on thoracic opening), deep muscles are sore all along the bottom of my ribcage — sides and back, especially, but front a bit, too. In Richard Freeman’s Yoga Breathing CD, he mentions expanding the back lower ribs like “opening curtains.” Most metaphorical. Or, I guess, most simile-esque.

***

This morning, The Archangel and I had a little chat after practice. He noted that my right leg is a lot harder to get behind my head in supta kurmasana. Made a comment about some things I could do, as he put it, “in your yin practice.” Huh?!? Gosh, it’s like those dreams I sometimes have where it’s the end of the semester and we’re taking finals and I have never attended the class. A yin practice? Won’t having a yin practice to support my yang practice just be one more step down the road of obsession?

I was curious to hear how he thought the Mysore program was going. Soon my initial package of classes will be used up, and I’ll need to think about renewing. The studio has a six month package that I might purchase, but I don’t want to get stuck with a bunch of classes if the Mysore program tanks. And it’s not like they haven’t killed a Mysore program before…

Anyhow, I was talking about how nice it is to practice with a teacher, after being on my own for almost a year. The Archangel used to study with Tim Miller. Apparently when he told Tim he was moving to AZ, Tim said, “That’s too bad. If you don’t have a teacher, your progress is slower.”

Yes, the independence of knowing you CAN practice without a teacher is irreplaceable. On the other hand, having a teacher does make practice a lot more… well, overt, I guess. With a teacher, there’s no glossing over your weak spots, and there’re no half-hearted attempts at the tough stuff — at least any time they’re watching. I still sometimes feel lame for going in day after day, needing the same freaking adjustments, as if I ought to learn faster or something. But in the end, I guess if you love teaching Mysore, you have extraordinary amounts of patience. If it were me teaching, I think I’d have expectations about how quickly students should be able to “get” stuff.

I thought about being an analyst, back in the day, but decided it would probably drive me crazy to hear people stuck in the same story session after session for years…

Luckily, I am not my own teacher. Oh, but wait. I am.

And, indeed, those expectations are my fatal flaw.