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This morning before practice I managed to rev myself all up by reading about Richard Freeman’s Liberation through Yoga and Buddhism retreat in May at Upaya Zen Center in Santa Fe.

Ooooh, didn’t that make my mind busy? How many vacation days do I have, how hard it is to get to Santa Fe, what does the Zen Center look like, could The Cop come?

***

I hit the zafu to do 20 minutes of… no, not zazen. Pranayama.

Why? Well, because I am having one of my “are this and that the same or different” questions. Are pranayama and zazen the same or different?

Both are breathing. Both require (and promote) one-pointedness (dharana). You can count in either one.

Okay, so there are many answers to this particular koan: Are pranayama and zazen the same or different?

a. Breathe
b. Same
c. Different
d. 30 hits from the master
e. Katz!

***

Set the metronome for 60 bpm and began. I like to play at pranayama: I close my eyes and entertain myself. Not structured pranayama, by the way — I like to do even inhales and exhales, gradually increasing the length of each as it feels good. Then I love to do what I think of as “square” breaths: the same number of beats of inhale – of retention – of exhale – of retention, repeat, repeat, repeat.

It’s a very happy practice, very energizing, and very soothing.

I am resisting the impulse to go do tons of research to find out what I “should” be doing. My guide has been how it feels, and there is one thing I keep remembering. Sitting zazen, sometimes the practice gets so attenuated, so long and tapering, that the breath spontaneously stops and there is a moment of utter peace and stillness. I keep thinking that there is something in that experience that is the same as what’s going on with pranayama.

I also remembered talking to Sokai about why Indian meditation often suggests the eyes should be closed, while zen is eyes half-open. His answer: “Try it with your eyes closed.” The experience was very warm and cheery and I could imagine a closed-eyed practice might be quite happy. On the other hand, there is more room for dreaminess and drifting away.

None of these are good or bad, just interesting.

Okay, so I have no answer to whether pranayama and zazen are the same or different. I did get the distinct impression, though, that I might prefer the pranayama after asana practice rather than before.

***

The Lurkers’ Amnesty week has been a blast. It has been SO good to hear from people. Very festive. Anyone who has yet to de-lurk, feel free!

Lax, LA was a great idea!