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Home practice is going well, Tova! Thanks for asking.

The ear plugs are a really interesting experiment. It makes the evenness (or raggedness) of the breath so apparent. Moments of stress sound very different from moments of ease. What I’ve discovered is that in moments of stress, I tend to suck in the inhale. Exhales are fine by me — I’ve always loved exhales when sitting zazen. It’s the inhaling that can hang me up. So, interesting to listen to.

I am chakrasa-ing my butt off. Every single last one that’s called for in primary. Even if I don’t want to (especially if I don’t want to!). I am using my crash pad to prop my shoulders up a bit, and this morning I finally got the little synchronization of the abs (or, if I want to be fancy, the bandhas) that pops you up and over. Still need the propped shoulders, but eventually that will get squared away and I’ll be able to lose the pad.

Urdhva dhanurasana with earplugs is fascinating. I am a nervous backbender, though much less so than when I first started. I wondered this morning if it is merely a case of response to the adrenaline that one gets in a backbend: some people may “read” it as exhilaration, while others — like me — read it as a kind of stress. Anyhow.

When Annie Pace was here, I asked her about doing “extra” urdhva dhanurasanas. Her advice (haha! as if Annie gives advice; let me tell you: Annie gives answers) was quite clear: do three or do five. No two, no four, no nine. Three or five. I also asked about whether to pause on the top of the head between each, or whether to lie all the way back down. Her answer: do it according to the breath. If the breath is wacky, go all the way back down and re-set.

I’ve been doing three with blocks under my hands, then two without. Listening to my breath and making the call each time as to whether to go to the head or all the way down in between. Generally speaking, I am good to rest on my head and then go back up. But it is excellent practice to LISTEN to the breath. Then the “win” lies in listening to the breath and responding to it, rather than “winning” by forcing myself through rapid-fire urdhva dhanurasanas that test my will and stress my system. This morning, something felt different — the weight was in my legs, the bend was throughout my back, and my shoulders and arms weren’t screaming. Will it stay that way now forever? Oh, Karen — always grasping…