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So today was improv Sunday. Very nice, too. We did suryas and standing poses, and then Volleyball Guy did a workshop of the first third of intermediate. Right up my alley, since this is what I’m working on every day. Nice to stop and talk about what was going on with the poses, and to learn the adjustments and to help out other folks in class.

Here’s the deal, though: we have new people at the shala. This is a good thing. Volleyball Guy is taking the opportunity to teach more, to bring these folks along. The catch is that he asks us Mysorians to throw in our opinions. On the one hand, I think that’s a nice idea. On the other hand, I kind of hate it. Why? Well, because I talk out of my ass.

Isn’t it enough that I do out-of-the-ass-talking at work? I manage a substantial team, so I talk out of my ass to the designers, and then I talk out of my ass to the executives. I am never, in any way, trying to put one over on anyone. I really try to stay agenda-free and have some kind of integrity, and I try to offer solace and motivation as needed, etc. But I can’t get past the feeling that I wish I wasn’t being called upon to actually know what I am talking about.

Of course, I love the sound of my own voice as much as the next person. But gee whiz, how much ass-talking can one person do? I mean, I have this blog: this is the perfect place for me to make up whatever reality I damn well choose. But everywhere else? It’s starting to be a burden. Maybe I am feeling particularly sensitive because I have a new supervisor for the design team, so now I’m doing an extra level of ass-talking: design pronouncements to the designers, management pronouncements to the supervisor, up-the-chain talk to the executives. I keep trying to just say what I think/feel, but it never feels terribly steady. I mean, I don’t know anything more about anything than anyone else.

When Volleyball Guy asks me to help define the term “yoga theory,” I can certainly go off on some explanation, and it’s even an explanation that I’ve thought about a bit, and that I hope is useful to people, etc. But in the back of my mind, I’m going, “Should I point out at the end of this that I am totally making it up as I go along, based on my current best experience and basically I have no idea if I am on track or entirely delusional — or will that tarnish my credibility?”

Maybe this is the downfall of thinking. I am loving Carl’s thinking blog, but I am also finding that sometimes I totally believe what I think and say, and other times (often within a split second) I think it’s all just a pile of crap.

Here’s the deal: I can tell you what I think and believe, and I’m happy to do so at any given moment. Will it be true, and will it continue to be what I think and believe? Like, even for the amount of time it takes me to type or say it? Oh hell, no.

Sorry.

In other news, Sanskrit Scholar, The Sicilian, Crim Girl and I had lunch after practice. Lovely to kick back and laugh and talk about yoga. (Please God, don’t make me say anything authoritiative!) No worries. We all take each other at face value. Such a thing to be grateful for, that there are people who can accept that I don’t know what I’m talking about pretty much 99.9% of the time.