donutszenmom.com

Koans help you understand your relationship to what is. I’ve been working koans for a good while, since the schools I’ve practiced with have been Rinzai schools. Koans involve very internal work: you can’t crack them with your mind/intellect. What you need to do is put them in the back of your mind while you meditate, instead of trying to think them through. Yup, just percolating in the back of the mind. But don’t forget it! The koan is important, but can’t be solved by thinking. So what’s your other option? Just do it.

And damned if it doesn’t work. All of a sudden, in “real life,” you go: “Ohhh! So that’s it!” I’ve “gotten” some koans after sitting on retreats, but the ones that really came clear happened in real life situations.

Koans remind me of asana. Volleyball Guy has said that “no ego” will help asana practice. I think when he says that, people think of ego as whatever it is that drives overt egoism, and then that’s followed up with the idea that the point is to push the ego away, to get rid of the “I.” But I think it’s actually more a case of letting the “I” be, of being compassionate about the “I,” but also understanding that it can’t crack the asana. And its ideas about itself (my ideas about myself, your ideas about yourself), will most likely hinder progress. Well, or maybe the ideas are just entirely irrelevant. Not sure about that part.

Anyhow, here’s an example: If I have no thoughts in utthita hasta padangusthasana, I balance; if I have thoughts, I waver and fall out. “Don’t think! Don’t think!” counts as a thought. “I’m not thinking,” counts as a thought. “That person across from me is teetering,” is the worst thought of all. So how to let go of the thoughts? Practice. Are the thoughts bad? No. And to think they are is an even thornier thought.

I’ve been working a particular koan for years. It’s from the Mumonkan (also called The Gateless Gate), which was compiled by Mumon:

CASE 38. GOSO’S BUFFALO

Goso asked, “A water buffalo goes out of his ‘enclosure.’ The head, the horns, and the four legs go through, but why doesn’t the tail, too?”

Mumon’s Comments:
If you can open your one eye (to the question) and say an awakening word, you will be able to repay the Four Obligations and help the Three Bhava being saved. If you still have not gotten it, take a close look on the tail and awaken yourself.

If the buffalo goes through, he will fall into the abyss,
If he retreats into the enclosure, he will be butchered.
This little bit of a tail,
that is a strange thing indeed!

***

I’ve been at this koan for what seems like forever. Suddenly, though, I’m seeing tails all over the place. Will they go away soon? That was never the point. Will they pass through? LOL! More practice is in order.