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Pranayama practice again this morning. Lovely. Once I got going. Did notice, however, that initially there was some resistance: when I first thought to sit and do pranayama, a part of me wanted to refuse. Why, though? A very subtle, very internalized turning away from the impulse.

I guess that’s where habit comes in: an override to the impulse to not practice.

I’m trying to be a little thoughtful: on the one hand, I can easily use pranayama to “replace” asana practice during this recovery time. That can happen simply by using my compulsive nature, or my greed to “consume” a new experience. Trying not to go down that path. Trying to be a little sensitive.

So the breathing practice is lovely, physically — in much the same way as asana practice. As a beginner, that’s pretty much all I can sense. Of course, there are adventures to be had in the deeper end, but I’m still splashing around in the newness, which is primarily physical.

One thing I am really noticing, after being knocked unconscious with drugs and laid flat out by surgery, is that I keep a pretty intense level on day-to-day ongoing tension/stress in my body/mind. Which isn’t to say that I don’t keep way LESS than the average person (which frightens me for the non-practitioners of humanity) — still, I want to lower the level even more. How to? Well, it’s the usual answer: attentiveness, patient practice, attentiveness, attentiveness.

LOL! I think that’s the issue here: we are so tempted by “reality” to throw attention to the wind and just be swept up.

Lights! Camera! Action! World events! Paris Hilton! Everyone needs a new car!

But I don’t wanna!! I like the still pool in the midst of it all. Haha! I feel like the world is roiling about me (and by world, sadly, I generally simply mean my office) and I am clinging to this secret jar of silence I have stashed away in a desk drawer.

That’s okay. At least I have a little bit. And am cultivating more. Slowly, Slowly.