Turbulence
Posted in ashtanga yoga on 04/03/2007 08:21 am by karenLast night, before bed, The Cop said, “Aren’t you happy you’ll be practicing in the morning?” Yes! Skipped Saturday led because I didn’t get in from New York ’til close to 3 AM. Sunday is my day off, and Monday was the Moon Day. Which I totally needed. I was feeling pretty burnt from practice. But I’m still not at all used to this taking days off business. It messes with my happy obsessive compulsive world.
Home practice this morning. No Mysore, as Volleyball Guy is on vacation. Of course this, combined with a new shoji screen in the yoga room, gave my mind lots of things to attach to. The environment’s different! Volleyball Guy is far away! I’m doing home practice on a Tuesday! I’ve had three days off! Why is the Mysore practice schedule changing?! The interdepartmental jockeying at work is driving me mad! Why do I get involved?! Would I be remiss, not to?!
Oh, Lordy.
Practice was fine. Turbulent mind, but whatever. It really got going toward the end of primary. You have a meeting at the office at 8! Practice is really long now! Maybe you should stop at pasasana! Maybe just do primary!
Sigh.
Did the whole thing. Felt kind of sluggish (too much dinner last night, three days off, etc.). My new project may simply be to learn to be a little more accepting of ups and downs in my practice. To kind of expect and even enjoy them. Every single practice can’t be bandharific and light and energetic. Well, actually, it kind of can, but then I end up losing too much weight and feeling crispy and driven.
No matter what, practice is endlessly instructive. Moments of bliss, of detachment, of peace, of torment, of greed, of restlessness. All just to coordinate the body and the mind. Sometimes it’s just a big ass wrestling match, and other times it’s a comfy blanket. I need to just let it keep being all those things.
04/03/2007 at 9:03 am
I find that when I focus too much on my practice, I get a bit too driven, and it spills over to the rest of my life and I can be a bit scary
What seems to work for me at the moment is to just relax just that little bit, say stop around 95% of the effort I’d usually make.
Your practice is very long now, and you will find that the rest days are a necessity, rather than a luxury or an excuse
04/03/2007 at 9:11 am
It’s a juggling act, not too tight, not too loose. I also find that when I am extremely focused on practice it adds a sense of rigidity to my life, and also that tension of always needing to go a little farther, be a little more deeply in each pose.
At the moment I feel I’ve backed off a little too much and am reintroducing some of that motivation, the key for me is to not let it get too obsessive and focus more on improving the elements such as bandhas and breath that actually lead to the release and the effortlessness of practice.
Best Wishes.
04/03/2007 at 9:42 am
Good for you for kicking out an uncompromised home practice. I gotta figure out how to do that . . .
04/03/2007 at 10:39 am
“Big ass wrestling match” pretty much describes my practice…wrestling my big ass into the poses, hah!
Seriously, though, you’re so insightful, as usual.