donutszenmom.com

Last night, before bed, The Cop said, “Aren’t you happy you’ll be practicing in the morning?” Yes! Skipped Saturday led because I didn’t get in from New York ’til close to 3 AM. Sunday is my day off, and Monday was the Moon Day. Which I totally needed. I was feeling pretty burnt from practice. But I’m still not at all used to this taking days off business. It messes with my happy obsessive compulsive world.

Home practice this morning. No Mysore, as Volleyball Guy is on vacation. Of course this, combined with a new shoji screen in the yoga room, gave my mind lots of things to attach to. The environment’s different! Volleyball Guy is far away! I’m doing home practice on a Tuesday! I’ve had three days off! Why is the Mysore practice schedule changing?! The interdepartmental jockeying at work is driving me mad! Why do I get involved?! Would I be remiss, not to?!

Oh, Lordy.

Practice was fine. Turbulent mind, but whatever. It really got going toward the end of primary. You have a meeting at the office at 8! Practice is really long now! Maybe you should stop at pasasana! Maybe just do primary!

Sigh.

Did the whole thing. Felt kind of sluggish (too much dinner last night, three days off, etc.). My new project may simply be to learn to be a little more accepting of ups and downs in my practice. To kind of expect and even enjoy them. Every single practice can’t be bandharific and light and energetic. Well, actually, it kind of can, but then I end up losing too much weight and feeling crispy and driven.

No matter what, practice is endlessly instructive. Moments of bliss, of detachment, of peace, of torment, of greed, of restlessness. All just to coordinate the body and the mind. Sometimes it’s just a big ass wrestling match, and other times it’s a comfy blanket. I need to just let it keep being all those things.