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Lots of days off. Saturday (weekly day off), today (ladies holiday), and tomorrow (Moon Day). Kind of like being in Mysore, where there seem to be many days off. Gee, was it just Friday that I was saying I felt tired and wrung out? And now three days off. I feel like I can really put them to good use, recovering. My shoulder was sore last night. Not horribly, but enough for me to remind myself that I have to be more mindful in my vinyasas.

The introduction of Ashtanga to My Gift goes along nicely. Yesterday was a day off for me, but she did all of the standing poses. Nicely, too. It is very interesting to think of someone starting the practice as such a clean slate. When I came to Ashtanga, it was after many years of other activities, so I could think about what I was doing in relation to other practices (Hmmm, this is easier than heavy squats, but harder than regular cardio, but safer than climbing; though, I suppose I could fall on my head in handstands, but it’ll only be from a foot or so off the ground, so I’ll most likely not die…).

My Gift, on the other hand, took dance lessons for a number of years, and ran track for a couple of years, and took riding lessons for a long while. Still, she has yet to draw any parallels to her yoga practice. Perhaps she never will. She is less apt to over-think things than I am.

So I watch her work her way through the suryas and the standing poses, and I wonder if she will practice them until they become second nature to her, and if she will grow curious about what poses come next, and about how to work further into each pose, etc. It is so hard to say what brings someone to practice.

I think at this point she simply wants to follow her rheumatologist’s advice to stretch more. And she also wants to feel stronger, to look sleeker (I was trying to gauge how much of her desire to practice might be motivated by wanting to slim down–I’m always worried about the compulsive gene that runs through our family and makes us think we are overweight, even when we have very little body fat–and her reponse was “I know I’m not fat, Mom. We’re just talking about a couple of vanity pounds!” She cracks me up, when she sees through my fears and assumptions and just states her case

I know I have absolutely no business teaching anyone Ashtanga, so all I can hope is that she takes from this what she needs to move along to the next step–whether it be a real teacher, a different form of yoga, or an entirely other answer that will put her a step closer to whatever practice will help her feel healthy and connected. Same thing with The Cop.

For now I am simply trying to answer the zen question: What do you do when a hungry person comes to you?

Practice this morning was not as subtle as I might have wished (understatement). It was fine, but I think I just get tired at the end of a practice week. Last week I took Saturday off, instead of my usual Sunday. Which means today is my sixth day. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that my energy and focus isn’t as strong as on Monday or Tuesday.

My right shoulder has a little twinge and click in jumpthroughs. No doubt from being thoughtless as I lower into chaturanga. I like the way it feels to kind of “fall” into chaturanga, and then stop myself with a little opposing muscular force at the bottom. Versus a smoother, more controlled movement. When I was climbing alot, I had to consciously avoid using too much momentum and making too many “dynamic” moves–essentially, you sort of “launch” yourself into space between holds, versus just climbing smoothly. I don’t know why, but I like that flying feeling, when you are zipping through space for a moment or two, followed by the inevitable pull of gravity. Anyhow, I need to think about my joints a little more and not just entertain myself with physical laws

My focus finally kicked in properly at kurmasana, supta k, bhujapidasana and garbha pindasana. I heard My Gift getting up then, so I did a few horrible (seriously, they are rather alarming) urdhva dhanurasanas, and a quick closing sequence. At which point, My Gift was ready to practice. So we did three Surya As, three Bs, and standing poses up to UHP. Then the last three finishing poses. I don’t want to overwhelm her, and I think our little routine today felt do-able to her, and challenging. When she feels it’s too easy, we will go on a bit.

It was lovely practicing with My Gift. I felt what Volleyball Guy must feel around his students. There are places where you make a suggestion, and (many) places where you just shut up and let the student make their way. Being a teacher, I guess, is about being sensitive and judicious. A big responsibility. And a great deal of love fuels it. Not love as we’ve been taught to imagine it, but love in a really essential form. I can’t explain it.

The Cop had an early shift and couldn’t practice with me. But when he came into the yoga room to kiss me goodbye, it was as if he belonged in there more than he did before our practice yesterday. Now the room is his, too. I like that.

I don’t know if I will go to led class with The Strongman tomorrow, or take the day off. Maybe Saturday is my new day off? Sunday is a Moon Day. I guess I’ll play this all by ear. It’s been a long week at work, and I am too worn out to be sensitive to what I’m feeling. Gosh, I’m happy it’s Friday!

A day or so ago, The Cop mentioned he’d like to try Ashtanga. Last night he said he’d like to practice with me this morning, and asked what teaching method I would use (such a smart ass). I told him I’d just start him like anyone coming to a Mysore class. Then I wondered if he’d really get up with me at 5 AM, since today is his day off.

Sure enough, he did. It was funny for me to set up three mats in the yoga room (lucky I hoard mats). My Gift was also due to put in some time on the mat, though not necessarily Ashtanga. She has been having some problems with sore joints, so yesterday I took her to my old Anusara teacher, who also does lots of therapeutic yoga. He worked with her for about an hour and gave her a brief routine to try out. As I watched, though, I thought about how starting her off with suryas and the standing poses would probably be just as healing. For the time being, she is going to follow his routine. But she will do suryas with me (and The Cop) and then I will also slowly teach her the standing sequence, and she can throw in the routine from her therapeutic session when she feels like she needs it.

So, a very busy yoga morning. Usually I am up by myself, practicing in the almost-dark. It was nice having company. The Cop did a full half-primary with me. He is very athletic, with a good background in martial arts, plus lots of strength training and cardio, so it wasn’t like he was going to get tired from practice. The challenge will simply be to keep his ambitions in check, gain some flexibility and balance, and then learn to just enjoy it. Once he is a little comfortable, he can take a led class, and if he really starts to like it, I’ll bring him to Mysore at Volleyball Guy’s.

Yoga has always been my thing. I had been feeling a little guilty about commandeering a room in the new house just for yoga. So today’s family time in the yoga room was quite nice. And challenging, from a meditation perspective. When I meditate, I always feel quite connected to how all is one, and my “me” is an illusion. The hardest thing, over the years, has been for me to contemplate that the individual manifestations that are the people I love are also illusions. I love harboring that illusion! I’m very attached to it, and it is very hard to work through. I had pretty much figured I needed to leave that awareness in the back of my mind, because I wasn’t up for really seeing it through. Perhaps that is why we were all there today. Karma brought us all together as a family, and I suppose it makes sense that we all have some issues to work out together. I just always thought that the fascination with cosmic issues was my little idiosyncracy, my weird obsession–meant for me to work on over the course of this lifetime–but apparently The Cop and My Gift are in on this, too. Duh. It seems so obvious now. How could they not be?

That’s how Volleyball Guy signed off on his email this morning: Namaste from far away. Cracks me up.

This morning was practice at Sanskrit Scholar’s fitness center. The Beautiful One also attended. We sat in my car, away from the Arizona cold waiting to see if The British Director was going to show up. Sanskrit Scholar announced she’d brought a copy of Sharath’s CD, and if we wanted, we could do a led class. We all agreed, gave up on waiting for The British Director, and went into the fitness center.

It’s funny, the TV in the cardio room, blasting the morning news, actually seems endearing to me now. Amazing how a few good experiences in an environment make you attached to it.

We set up the heater, put Sharath on the CD player, and off we went. The practice was, as anyone who has used this CD knows, fast. I really love the tempo–it makes me feel less bad about how quickly I generally move through the series. Um, except for kurmasana/supta kurmasana. Sharath tears through those, and I need some time to get into the poses. Oh well.

And the urdhva dhanurasanas? Forget about it! Three in a row–with one breath in between. Yikes! My nervous system was on overload. I already feel rather anxious about the pose, so the pace just ratchets the stress up like crazy. Though on the up side, you move through it so fast that there’s no time for much negative internal monolog. That can only be healthy.

I’ll be interested to see how my energy feels today, after the quick, light practice (I think of it as light because I can’t really dig into any of the poses). Definitely don’t mean to suggest it isn’t challenging.

In padmasana, I saw a brilliant yellow aura around my mat. Way cool. No idea what it might mean. I have a friend at work who can see auras and I am always very envious of the gift. So while I can not see people auras, apparently I can see mat auras

And arnica. What can I say about arnica, except Thank you, Jody and Susan, for suggesting it. I used some last night before bed, and had a nice coating just before practice, and my shoulders definitely feel relief.

Hmmmm, so is this how Ashtanga works? You wake up so sore that all you can possibly do is practice, to try to warm up and work through the pain? Well, that’s what kept me going today. That, and the engaged feet/uddiyana bandha experiment that’s been so enjoyable.

I got up and had my coffee and surfed the web, as per usual morning ritual, all the while kind of scooching my shoulders around to relieve some of the ache. Okay, I guess between supta kurmasana, the marichy binds and getting back to backbends, I am having some kind of breakthrough with my shoulders. It is not terribly painful, exactly, but more achey and restless and discombobulated. As if the way they usually settle isn’t quite right anymore. I think I should be happy about this. After all, it’s what I was working toward. Um…why was that again, that I decided my shoulders needed to be revised?

Nice home practice. Lit some incense and candles, turned on the heater. Lovely transition from darkness to dawn light, the birds starting to chirp, the cat pacing the window pane, watching them.

Left knee is still a little off. Mostly just needs patience and a bit of babying. UHP is weirdly difficult, but there’s nothing to be done about that except to wait it out. Garbha pindasana hurts like a mother.

The whole uddiyana experiment is a pleasure. Just going back to it over and over. Some poses, it is so easy to find (prasarita A and D) and some, it’s so hard (prasarita B). Looking for it, though, makes for interesting information from each individual posture. Very cool.

For breakfast today: yogurt, cereal, and a big dose of ibuprofen!

Ouch, hard to get up this morning. I spent the day yesterday pruning fruit trees, something I’ve never done before. Poor trees. Actually, they look really happy this morning, released from the weight of all the heavy branches they were carrying.

As I was sawing through boughs over my head, I realized that I was assessing the situation rather like a climbing situation: I had made my commitment, so I had to see it through, and I had to assess how gravity was going to make something fall, gauge its trajectory, and try to keep from getting hurt. Nice to have the falling thing be a bough, instead of my body. Lower stakes. But an interesting brain teaser regarding gravity and the forces generated by falling objects.

Anyhow, I think my day out in nature (i.e., the backyard) may have made me kind of allergic. I was groggy this morning and sniffly. Went over to meet Sanskrit Scholar and The British Director at the fitness center. And yes, I brought the heater.

Nice practice–not as light as yesterday, but oh well. Sanskrit Scholar adjusted me in down dog and did this thing to get me to release my shoulders–um, not that they ever release–but to get me to imagine such a possibility. I have to move my idea of where my strength comes from away from my shoulders and into my legs. Not sure how to accomplish that, but it’s a goal.

Skipped handstands and went with lolasana. Maybe less handstand practice will help the backbends? Someone on ezboard made that suggestion a while back.

Sanskrit Scholar then asked me to stand on her thighs during baddha konasana. Alrighty, then. It was kind of scary, needless to say–seemed like the sort of thing that could result in injury with one false move, but it worked out fine. I think it’ll be a long time before I ask someone to stand on my thighs in that pose, though.

My lower back seems to be going through some…well, I don’t really know what it is. I’ve been through the sacrum opening stuff, which was scary at first–but this is different–higher up on my back–right around the back of my waist and a little lower. I know I have to extend more through my back, particularly on twists, and I think there is some fear attached to this sort of movement for me. All those years of squats makes me comfortable keeping my back compressed and straight and then there’s the valsalva maneuver, which really was (and is) second nature to me, and which my brain accepted as the way to keep my body healthy when lifting a lot. It makes kind of exactly the opposite effect of uddiyana bandha, I think… So letting go of that pressure, that method of stabilizing myself, is rather frightening. But exciting, too. Like all physical pursuits.

Oops, the pool guy is here to teach me and The Cop how to maintain the pool…

“Keep the faith,” Volleyball Guy said in his most recent email. He said the beaches are great, massage is cheap and he’s even been playing some volleyball. And while he vacations, his students get some practice in keeping the faith.

I tried to get to Saturday led yesterday–for a couple of reasons: 1) it was being taught by Volleyball Guy’s son, The Strongman, and it’d be good to support his teaching, and 2) it is a very social class, so I would be able to see Returning Guy and The Other Dave and Bikram Teacher and The Contestant. But I misjudged the commute. The new house is about three miles east of my old house, and I figured it wouldn’t take me very much longer to get to the studio.

What I didn’t factor in was my route. Anyone who knows North Scottsdale knows not to try to travel west on Shea Boulevard in the late morning on a Saturday. Traffic like crazy. Enough to leave me sitting at an intersection a couple of miles short of the studio at the strike of 10, when class begins. Amazingly, I didn’t feel frustrated. I decided to swing by Pier One and look at candles. Huh?! This is the sort of thing that would have really upset me not too long ago.

So yesterday was my day off, and today was home practice. A very sweet home practice, too. I got up at 4 AM with The Cop, who starts a new shift this week. Handy. We had coffee together before he left.

This morning I felt happy and centered from the very first surya. Every movement just felt really pleasurable. On Friday, The Beautiful One explained how to engage my feet more by kind of pulling up through my arches, and that was what I kept coming back to. That, and uddiyana bandha. So, stronger through the feet and lighter through the core. Interesting.

Instead of handstands, I did lolasana, and managed to roll up nicely. Hmmm, proper jumpbacks soon, I wonder? I got both arms all the way through in garbha pindasana. I tried to bend them, but that was a no go, so I figured, Why not try rolling up into kukkutasana? Managed to balance, but just for a couple of seconds, because…gosh, I don’t even know exactly what it was that was hurting in the pose…it seems like I have really bony forearms and really sensitive calves, but I had to bail too quickly to really figure it out very well. Calf and forearm pain doesn’t scare me like hamstring or knee pain, so I have no problem trying this over and over until it’s resolved.

Lovely Sunday practice. Now laundry and errands, and then The Cop will be home and we can watch the Super Bowl!

Yay for the teeny heater! I packed it up in a gym bag, and met Sanskrit Scholar and The Beautiful One at Sanskrit Scholar’s workplace. What I’m finding is that drishti really makes you not care where you practice. In front of a mirror? No problem. In a corporate fitness center? Fine. Lots of strangers around? Okay.

Morning at the fitness center provides an interesting perspective on community. The simple act of three people pursuing the same goal via the same practice makes a kind of community in the midst of an alien environment. Quite fascinating.

And the mirrors aren’t so bad. In fact, they make my handstands stronger, because when I use the wall for a (hopefully unnecessary) spot, I am aware that the mirrors seem to be attached to the wall somewhat tenuously. Not a good idea to sneak into a fitness space, heat it to boiling and then kick the mirrors off the walls. I mean, no one’s ever specifically told me that, but it seems intuitively obvious that it wouldn’t be courteous

Backbends are…well, quite honestly, they still stink. I’m using blocks and finally have the pelvis tilt working to my advantage, but seriously, I don’t think I’ll ever get my arms straight. We all chatted about it this morning: Sanskrit Scholar was an aerobics instructor for years, and I was a gym rat. Now we get to reap the disadvantages of years of discipline as we tightened our chest and shoulder muscles with push-ups and weight lifting. Way to go!!

It is fun practicing with the gals. A different kind of feeling. I kind of hate to say it, but I guess it’s more “girlie.” The conversation is still limited during practice, but afterwards, we tend to talk a bit. I’ve learned more about them personally in two days than in the previous 7 months.

Volleyball Guy is visiting significant World War II spots, apparently. He is a history buff. And he noted, in this morning’s message, that there are 7-Elevens all over the place. He has a 7-Eleven problem that revolves around large doses of Mountain Dew. Soon the 7-Eleven clerks in the Philippines will know him by name, much as the clerks in Scottsdale do.

Wow, it seems like such a long time ago that I practiced! Waiting until late afternoon to blog really dims some of the details. Which may be a benefit to blog readers everywhere…

Home practice this morning. Another email from Volleyball Guy in Manila. A few sentences. I think it’s funny that he’s sending his students individual emails (versus a mass mailing) and everyone gets a couple of sentences about his experience. It reminds me of him at practice. He doles out an adjustment to one person then moves on to the next. A snippet of energy here and then a snippet of energy there.

Practice this morning was pretty good. The left knee is a little sore, but not too bad. Handstands were a little heavy. I got The Cop to adjust me in supta kurmasana. His first supta k adjustment. I’m so proud He did well.

Garbha pindasana was amusing, as always. Got both arms more than halfway, waited there a bit, then tried one arm through all the way and then bent the arm (using my other arm) to try to get it near my face. Gosh, it looks like such a silly, simple pose. But, as it turns out, it is not. Still, though, I can’t quite tell what it’s trying to teach me. Maybe this one is about humor.

Great news this afternoon. When I was working on the new book, I often looked at work by the artist Kiki Smith. When my publisher asked if I had any ideas for what I’d like on the cover, I immediately thought of an image of her work that I love: http://www.guggenheimcollection.org/site/date_work_lg_146D_1.html. In kind of a crazy gesture, I wrote to her gallery, asking them to forward a request to use the image. Honestly, I wondered if I would ever hear back. I imagined I’d be viewed as a deranged poet stalker. And if I did hear back, I wondered what kind of fee would be charged. Today I had a note from the gallery’s director, saying Kiki Smith has agreed to let me use the image, and the charge is that I send her one of my books. How much does that rock?

Okay, I am working from home this afternoon, so blogging has to be limited to a quick break. Tomorrow is Mysore at Sanskrit Scholar’s fitness center. I am going to pack my teeny space heater in a gym bag, and we’re gonna heat that place up!

This morning had the potential to be a morning from hell. First off, no hot water. The Cop was experimenting with the water heater last night, and it didn’t work out the way he expected. I tried to move My Gift’s car out of the way so I could get out of the driveway, but it wouldn’t start. The engine wouldn’t turn over at all–just totally dead. I tried again. Nothing. Tried again. Nothing. Tried yet again. Why do I not believe the empirical evidence of dead mechanical things? Well, it’s a good thing I don’t, because it started finally. I have no idea why. My wishful thinking, perhaps. So a tough morning. Which started with an email from Volleyball Guy: he is in Manila, checking things out, then will head for the beaches. Okay, I’m happy for him, but there’s something kinda sad about a note from your teacher halfway around the world when you are puttering around the house at 4:30 AM.

Have no fear! Sanskrit Scholar to the rescue! Sanskrit Scholar invited “the Mysorians” to practice at her work’s fitness center. The catch: we have to go in through the ladies locker room. Hence, the guys can’t join in. So this morning, The British Director, The Beautiful One and I huddled in the dark parking lot of Sanskrit Scholar’s workplace and waited for her to show up with her card key.

Hmmmm, yoga in a corporate environment. Something I’ve never experienced. Perhaps I shouldn’t have worn my bedroom slippers. Oh well. The four of us put our mats down in a nice (mirrored! yikes!) aerobics room, amid the weights and the Swiss balls and…hey, look! they have yoga mats and straps and blocks! Just outside the door, folks were on cardio machines, watching the morning news. We cranked up the heat in the aerobics room and set off.

Good news when I got to ardha baddha padmottanasana: my knee felt pretty much fine. Massive doses of ibuprofen really do work! I can still feel that it’s tender, but this doesn’t seem at all as serious as the right knee injury I had a few months back.

Now, everyone started at the same time this morning, but sure enough, I finished ahead of the pack. Sanskrit Scholar made a comment and I said I thought it was because I must breathe too fast. But she discounted that, and said she just thinks I have an efficient practice. She mentioned that sometimes she takes many breaths to get into a pose. I, on the other hand, just kind of go for it–perhaps this is a remnant from zazen practice. You pretty much know when you sit zazen that you’re going to feel uncomfortable at some point in the sitting: you’ll get a sore knee or realize you sat with your toe kind of weird or you get an itch or whatever. Part of the sitting is realizing that your mind is hyperconcerned with physical comfort and that that comfort is always fleeting. If you adjust to get more comfortable, you’re just going to find something else that isn’t comfortable–so you might as well let go of all of that and just sit. I take that to my yoga practice: I do my best to get into the pose with some integrity, and then I just let go and experience it. I assume it’s not going to be perfect–and I’m usually just happy if I don’t fall over Heck, I’ll have a bazillion opportunities to practice these poses, over the course of years, so I don’t need to get overly invested in any particular pose or progression.

Ah, but I do have a bit of a focus these days: backbends. Boy, do my backbends stink! I did three today, against the wall with blocks under my hands. And I’ve been doing three more before lunch (I go home for lunch, so this isn’t quite as insane as if I were doing it at my desk), and three before dinner. I’m trying to make them seem routine and less daunting, and I always feel flexible when I am hungry.

Okay, enough for now. The Mysore community limps along without its teacher, I’ve invented a weird backbend routine, and the Mysorians are scheduled for 5:45 Friday morning in the corporate fitness center.